Fun in the New Year

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Jan 4, 2010.

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  1. As i lie here, my mind racing between feelings of abject pain to subliminal pleasure, I cannot but reflect on the events leading up to my demise with a sensation of bewilderment.

    It all started two days before the new year when quite unexpectedly I was invited to a fancy dress party.
    Being black I opted for an ironic costume such as a slave, and wish I had stuck with my choice with what transpired later.
    My two closest friends came up with the idea it being Christmas time to go with a religious theme. John dressed in a very cleaver costume representing mans image of God. Paul dressed in a loin cloth and cape went as Jesus, and I wrapped in white sheet with hood, went as a ghost.
    Yes there we were , the Holy Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy spirit. For a touch of realism, Paul also made and carried a cross, which although looking big, was made of balsa and cardboard so was quite easy to carry.
    It was thus dressed the festivities began.
    What a night, we moved gallons and before we knew it, home beckoned.
    Alas when John flagged down the Taxi, Paul and myself were not around and the taxi would not wait. John decided to take it and went off without us.

    So there is Paul and myself walking through Handsworth dressed as a ghost and Jesus with a cross.
    Upon reaching Paul's home we free his Black Labrador and enter the local park with the dog.
    I remark to Paul that he still has his cross with him and he tells me its because he wants some pics taken in the park.
    Where's the camera I ask. So off he goes to fetch it leaving me with the dog and the cross.
    It is at this point that a gang of what I would describe as undesirable Black Youths appear. The dog runs under my sheet as its frightened.

    As they approach the dog starts to bite my leg under the sheet.
    I cry out get away you b.........b*stard, and then things started to go crazy.

    The gang leader shouts out hey bro's look we got us a real live KKK man and he's on his way to do the biz.
    What you talking about I say, and the dog sinks his teeth again. Fcuk off I shout, fcuk you shouts the leader and then notices the fcukin cross leaning against a tree.
    Oh no say I, oh yeah says he and head butts me. Two others hit me with the cross and as its light weight they are disappointed so hit me again with a tree branch, and commence kicking seven bells out of me.
    Paul returns, sees whats cracking off so calls the police who arrive in minutes. The gang does one, I manage to get my hood off. The police have been briefed that a load of Black men are causing trouble in the park, they arrive and see me unhooded and black.
    Guess what, yeah, and now as I type and the feeling starts to creep back into my body I think, what shall I go as next year?
  2. 'Mamee Oh Mamee, how I luv yah....'
  3. Bloody hell mate, I would have paid money to watch that. I wouldn't have even helped for the first few minutes! :D

    If you are intending to follow the same route and fancy a adventure see if you can go dressed as an employed person. You'll get battered 8O
  4. My oh my, may Jesus bless you child.
    Hope your Christmas was white enough? :twisted:
    I had heard that Type 42 and Sussex had overdone it with the mince pies. 8O :D
    Scouse told me when he sent me my Christmas card with a ticket for my cruise to Africa. Silly sausage forgot to buy the return half bless him. :D :wink:
  5. Reminds me of a conversation I overheard in the job centre recently:

    A black man walked in and asked if there were any jobs going.

    The fellow behind the desk replied: ''Well yes actually this vacancy has just opened up at a very large mansion.''

    ''Really?'' said the black chap.

    ''Yes, the job basically entails looking after this mansion while the owner is away, he has a large collection of supercars that need to be driven around every few days to keep them running, the salary is 4 grand a week and the owner's twin 18 year old daughters might pop in from time to time to check up on you.''

    ''No way, you must be joking!''

    ''Well you started it,'' replied the man behind the desk.
  6. Uncle Eboneezer was one of our family who really made a name for himself by marrying a white lady in Alabama in a Whitemans church.
    This was at ten o'clock 23/4/1980.
    When he died at 10.02 23/4/1980 we was real proud of him. 8O 8) :lol:

    Funnily they had no children.
  7. Ya'll think you up for it honky. :D

  8. That's the best christmas story EVER! It makes my crappy new year look like a good night out. Thanks for that RR :D
  9. Tuts your post came at an awkward time, me and Jonno were just having some exercise.

    I appreciate your comment but as the photo shows I am showing Jonno the forwards thrust position to trim the stomach. :D :D

  10. never mind your injuries is the dog ok. :lol:
  11. Oh right so. Sorry to interrupt, I'll just sod off back to the kitchen and let the pair of you crack on.

  12. Yeah Paul was fine thanks. How'd ya'll know he was a dog?
    The labrador died of black swamp fever.
    I p1ssed all over him and it swamped him. :oops: :oops: :wink:

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