Fuck help me.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Feb 16, 2012.

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  1. If you have a large animal in your back garden and wish to move it, is it true what I have been told you need a permit?
    Where do you go to get one and will it take long to get?
    Or can you just take an animal to a market and sell it?

    And apart from the usual shit which I know is going to come, a couple of good answers would be appreciated, and quite fast if possible.
  2. Is it a donkey?
  3. Do what I did old chap tell her its not working and you want a divorce. Show her the door, jobs a goodun!

    Dread to think how much it would have cost to get a wide load permit, hire a low loader and pay for the rosser escort to move her myself.
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2012
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  4. He said LARGE animal!! It's obviously an elephant. If it was a giraffe, he'd have said a 'Tall' animal. If it was a donkey, he'd have said stubborn animal.

    Where'd the elephant come from RR? It must have escaped from a travelling circus. Contact the owners as it'll probably be missed at tonights show.
  5. Knowing Tamworth it's probably a fat chav bird in leggings.
  6. Seaweed

    Seaweed War Hero Book Reviewer

    If it is truly large, a sort of stripey orange colour and definitely larger than a marmalade cat, emits rather menacing rumbly sounds and has large sticky-out teeth, be sure and wear gardening gloves.
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  7. That was not nice.
  8. I have two very large and scary looking sheep/ram type things in the garden.
    We played cards last night and apparently I won.
    I did actually think the cunt was kidding when he raised me two sheep and if I recall, saw his sheep and raised him the cat. I evidently won and the prick put them in the garden.
    I have been advised that I can have them removed but it will cost. The bloke I won them off is now in Cardiff and thinks its friggin hilarious. I however do not as the war office is a tad upset.
    Tonight I will get them in a van and get them gone, there are some sheep just up the road, if I can get them amongst them they might just mingle and go away. They ain't likely to hitchhike back after all, are they.
    Or I could send them to one of you fuckers with a dowry, probably the best females seen in some places. Stafford springs to mind, they've killed most of the decent birds up there in the abattoir. Well they call it Stafford Hospital.:pottytrain2:...............we in health care don't:laughing2::-D
  9. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Stop pissing about, harness the horse into the caravan and on your way
  10. I tell you it's not funny the war office is fumin, the sheep look aggressive and I need to empty the shed, i complete on the sale a week tomorrow.
    I have a friggin furniture van coming Sunday so I need to go out back. The smaller of the two tried to butt me earlier if it does it again, I 'll twat it with the hammer and it wont die halal if any prayers are said it will be the sheep and not me.
  11. You could always marry them. Nobody would bat an eyelid where you live.
  12. I couldn't possibly deprive you locals mate, there ain't fuck all else for you Poms to do around here that's why I'm off.
    In any case it's a white boy habit and you cunts in Staffordshire built Offa's Dyke to stop the Welsh getting their sheep back.
    Dirty bastards.:laughing2::pottytrain2:
  13. And for fuck sake Rod, Stafford the town where the birds fly upside down as there aint fuck all worth shitting on........:-D
  14. kil it with fire.
  15. Get a Slaughterman to come round and do the deed, then get your local Butcher round to carve them up for you. Have you seen the price of lamb these days...
  16. I concour. The only good thing in Stafford is the road out of it!
    So glad I live in the Moorlands.

    Our sheep are better looking.
  17. Mutton curry, yum.
  18. I've been had.
    It was a wind up they let me win and put the fuckin sheep in my garden knowing that the one fucker was a nasty piece of work.
    At about half five they came around with a land rover and trailer to pick em up.
    At about quarter to five I had a tip off that Ken was coming to pick em up so we turned the tables, we got a rope around their necks and dragged them two doors away to the empty house and stuck em there. When Ken arrived I told him they had had the chop (no pun intended) and he went fuckin loopy, one was called fuckin "Doris" and apparently a pet. He was nearly crying so we gave them back.
    I've put another padlock on the gate anything else appears and I will kill it.
    Fuckin freaks.
    I did laugh after they had gone though, but the wife still ain't happy as they shit all over the grass and she wants me to hose it off.
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  19. Open a petting zoo. The kids might be a bit annoying but think of all the mums that would turn up :evil2:
  20. Pepper spray old chap, soon move the bugger on.

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