Fruit n Nut

#1
Here I am, following the instructions to the letter of recreating naval life in a pusser's war canoe: lying on the floor in my kitchen in a sleeping bag in wet No.8s (no.4s to noobs) with my semaphore flags stuffed down my trousers, the lawnmower Blair-ing away in the background and my neighbours screaming in me ears to shut the fcuk up, and then I discover a thief in the Mess! :evil:

Before turning in I left my Nutty on the table to enjoy with my cornflakes for brekkers. I get up to go to the heads to drain away the excess kidney processed beer fluids, and when I get back, what do I find?

Someone's pinched Nutty?

Was he pinched hard? Is there a Nutty baron in the mess who needs cobbing with a rolled up Admiralty chart? Has Higgy gone too far and kid-napped the ancient submariner? Who knows!

There's a reward on offer here. I'll share my Friday tot, Wrecky (my bedwarmer) and Tally (my bedwarmer's companion) with whoever solves the mystery of the missing Nutty.
 
#4
Have you considered the fact that you may be a sleepwalking nutty fiend?
Do you wake up with bits of Cadbury's finest smeared over your gubbins and teeth as slimy as a Turkish wrestler's thong gusset? There's your answer then. Case closed M'lud.
While that may be something to ponder, I feel that the mixture of chocolate and cornflakes for brekkie pushes the boundaries of culinary good taste. I much prefer warmed up left over curries or kebabs. :D
 
#5
When I was about 7 or 8 I was adamant that I'd stashed a bag of maltesers under my pillow. When I woke up I was raging, demanding who or what stole them!

Turns out I'd dreamt the whole lot 8O
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
#6
thingy said:
Someone's pinched Nutty?

Was he pinched hard? Is there a Nutty baron in the mess who needs cobbing with a rolled up Admiralty chart? Has Higgy gone too far and kid-napped the ancient submariner? Who knows!

There's a reward on offer here. I'll share my Friday tot, Wrecky (my bedwarmer) and Tally (my bedwarmer's companion) with whoever solves the mystery of the missing Nutty.
This thread thingy is like waving a red rag at a bull. You could reply with a picture of, say something :pottytrain2: , with "I've found him". Now that wouldn't be nice! :wink:

I would have but the internet police would be upset again.
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
#7
So thingy, do the submariners forum need to call a mess meeting and elect a new pres? Why has fruit removed his pic and "scab filth 5th etc"? Has the Nut called it a day?
 
#8
I Nutty now, know, or should that be t'other way round. My radar's on the blink, the gyro's not where it should be and I'm pissed on red winey stuff. :pissed:
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
#9
thingy said:
I Nutty now, know, or should that be t'other way round. My radar's on the blink, the gyro's not where it should be and I'm pissed on red winey stuff. :pissed:
I think all radar's are blank, but someone found a dummy outside M&S.
 
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