Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!



War Hero
Sumo stood at heavens gate, cap in hand and praying,
That god would check the sheet and find the poor twat would be staying.
Alas, the verdict came at last and after a silent spell,
Saint Peter started laughing, and told him "go to hell".

Dejected worried and crying Sumo turned around,
Shoulders drooped and slouching he started his way down.
Fuckin hell I'm doomed he wailed, what did I fuckin do,
To send me down the slippery slope and drop me in the poo.

Just then as he descended he met Rumrat on the rise,
He stopped dead in his tracks and stared, this was a real surprise.
You wont get in he sneered at rat, they told me on my bike,
So you are fucked, you wont get in, your not the type they like.

I think you full of shit said rat I fit the profile neatly,
I'm black suppressed and poor as well I fit the bill completely.
Well so am I poor Sumo cried, I'm all those things as well,
Ok not black but real browned off, but still been sent to hell.

I can explain that rat replied its not a random thing,
There's reason why they banned you from living with the "King",
I'll try to sit and tell you though it may make you pissed,
And might take quite a time as well, it is a real long list.

Go ahead groaned Sumo, I've fuck all else to do,
I'm fucked for all eternity what placed me in the poo?
Its simple then the rat replied, I'll take the time to say,
Why Peter pulled the rug on you and told you go away.

Go away said Sumo, more like just "Fuck off"
Don't believe a word said rat Saint Peter is a toff,
Maybe to you said Sumo to me he's a common twat,
No wonder you got banned said Rat with an attitude like that.

You was a submariner, the beginning of your trouble,
The only lower form of life, would be a fuckin bubble,
Add to that your ugly, and a hardliner to boot,
the type that all us decent folk would really like to shoot.

Your cross eyes do not help you, your buck teeth stand out proud,
You nasty and a racist, your opinions are all loud,
You spend too much time loafing, neglecting all your chores,
And never sort the fuckin shed although the bastards yours.

Your forever bitching at rumrat, and picking on poor froggy,
You call him a dumb bubble head, and you say that rumrats woggy,
I cant help it being black its just a state of mind,
So give up drinking fuckin meths and try to be more kind.

Will it get me in then said Sumo looking sly,
cus I can be much better I know that I will try,
Don't get your fuckin hopes up said rumrat his eyes narrowed to a slit.
The main reason that he banned you, is that you're full of shit.


War Hero
Super Moderator
Get the whiskey out and dig in its Friday.
And Sumo said that's special.
Personally I think that's a crock of shit every days a party day.

'Tis for me, I'm off down the pub now. No talking about me behind my back!!


War Hero
Super Moderator
Thought you were own the pub out of earshot???

Your a diver, not the quietest of natures creations and I ended up talking to a commercial deep sea diver who lives down the road. You buggers get everywhere.

And I wish I had been barred, too many Doom Bars do not make a good morning.
Your a diver, not the quietest of natures creations and I ended up talking to a commercial deep sea diver who lives down the road. You buggers get everywhere.

And I wish I had been barred, too many Doom Bars do not make a good morning.

Mmmm, Doom Bars. I'm off to the offy after your timely reminder.
Might get Rumrat a couple of Snowballs as its his favourite tipple.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS The Philippines and the United Kingdom: old friends, new horizons MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Families and friends to be reunited with loved ones in care homes as visits restart MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Founding trustees of Jole Rider Friends paid themselves almost a quarter of charity funds finds charity watchdog MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: Special constable who terrorised family friends jailed MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: Commission appoints interim manager to Jole Rider Friends after suspending trustees MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: THINK! Campaign urges young men to stop their friends drink-driving MoD News 0
Chicogiz Fish friends.... The Gash Barge 22
MoD_RSS Speech: A view of U.S. national defence from friends and allies MoD News 0
SONAR-BENDER Keep your friends close........ Diamond Lil's 14
N RumRat buys his Bradford friends a Coke The Gash Barge 7
MoD_RSS News story: FCO Minister statement on Friends of Zimbabwe meeting MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: The Friends of Yemen Ministerial Meeting Co-Chairs’ Statement MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Foreign Secretary's opening remarks - Friends of Yemen MoD News 1
stan_the_man You can choose your friends but not your family Diamond Lil's 42
MoD_RSS News story: UK to host Friends of Yemen meeting in March MoD News 0
S I have no friends! The Gash Barge 140
J Looking for old friends Blogs 7
B Looing for old friends Nearest & Dearest 12
F How to win friends and upset people. Current Affairs 11
S Friends Of HMS Caroline, Belfast Social & Reunions 2
D communicating with family and friends while serving at sea? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 11
R 'friends with benefits' Diamond Lil's 14
Rumrat How to make internet friends Diamond Lil's 45
Rumrat Friends Reunited. Diamond Lil's 22
J Four friends Blue Jokes 0
psycho-fluffy GUMPATHON (Booties and friends run across the US) Charity 11
RachelC Friends of the Forces Awards are Launched! Current Affairs 1
D Friends and the RAF The Gash Barge 6
pinkprincess How to make friends and influence people... Diamond Lil's 30
N Best Friends Give you Cover Diamond Lil's 1
T Fishermans Friends Diamond Lil's 5
Bergen The Forever Friends Pet Cremation Service Diamond Lil's 8
D You know when you've got friends The Quarterdeck 15
shellbackmac Do your birds friends think you are a pervert? Diamond Lil's 19
P Looking for Friends/Colleagues of..... History 8
brazenhussy would you stay friends with an EX Diamond Lil's 24
AfterSSE Friends in High Places Current Affairs 4
G Civvy & Military Friends The Corps 2
Lingyai Friends The Gash Barge 8
slim Pregnant 14-year-old says it's 'fashionable' as four friends Diamond Lil's 12
The_Caretaker Absent Friends Diamond Lil's 17
EX_STAB "Friends" on Herrick to send Christmas parcels to. The Corps 19
D Pre-deployment for friends/families and serving Nearest & Dearest 0
Similar threads

Latest Threads

New Posts