Fridays rolling story

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by rod-gearing, Jul 24, 2009.

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  1. The ships lay at anchor in the stiff westerly breeze,theirs ensigns flapping.
    The quartermaster gazed out across the sound and noticed the white tips of the waves beating against the distant shore.
    Smoke from the flagship drifted towards the small dirty cutter making its way towards the ship.
    'Bollocks' he thought,'here comes the skipper'......................
     
  2. ..........but as the cutter made it's way closer he started to make out some of the people on the small boat. 'Could it be?' The QM pondered to himself, 'surely not, the girls on that boat look exactly like Lucy Pinder and Keeley from page 3!' He called over the Bosun's mate to get a second opinion. 'Here shippers have a look through these bins, are those the tarts from page 3 or am I going mad?'

    The BM picked up the bins and used his steeley gaze, honed by years of gunnery, to see what the QM was rabbiting on about.

    'kin ell!! Exclaimed the BM it's................
     
  3. ....a bunch of Kyties from Boogey Street in Singers!! Georgous looking, big boobs, exquisite clothing and make-up but with the tell-tail Adams Apple and a bulge between the legs where no bulge should be on a lady! What's the skipper playing at and why is he bringing them onboard ?? .............
     
  4. Maybe to give them spelling lessons as he could have sworn it was Bugis Street and he was sure he wasn't THAT pissed, anyway, too late now - maybe he can palm them off on the QM, BM and duty hand instead of big eats
     
  5. ...as an aside from the story; it might well be 'Bugis Street' on the nameplate but I always knew it as BOOGEY Street !!

    Back to the story..........
     
  6. ...........Sudenly a harbour patrol boat with some reggies on board, came speeding toward the cutter. The reggies boarded the cutter and promptly arrested Oldsparker on suspicion of veering this thread dangerously off course and Anglichanin for being a pedantic fcuker. The harbour patrol boat then escorted the skipper and his ladyboys back towards the ship.

    The QM took a long drag on his Lambert and Butler and picked up the main broadcast ready to make a pipe..............
     
  7. "Officer of the day gangway".

    The cutter contiunued to close the ship.The QM and bosun mate were awiaitn the arrival of the officer of the day to salute the saide as the captain returned on board. At that moment Lt Phillips, the second officer of the watch arrived.

    "Did you want me".

    "Skipper coming back onboard with guests Sir".

    "Oh No.........................
     
  8. No, not the one about returning table tennis equipment or requesting seaman stayne to report the bedding store. Neither was it the one about the small arms store ......... this one was going down in legend...
     
  9. .........in all the confusion, caused by two people replying to the same post at the same time, no one had noticed the upperdeck sentry who had spent the whole watch getting shiters on the hangar roof with his oppo smudge. They were both now three sheets to the wind and the UDS leaned over, looking down onto the flightdeck, with Lt Phillips stood directly beneath him.......
     
  10. he chucked up all over him.
    Lt Phillips looked up but didnt see him as he had dodged behind a vent cover.
    'Mmm' said Lt phillips, 'That seagull didnt half dump one over me'
    he went below to change his kit ready for the weelend cock and arse party the skipper had laid on.
    Now,what to wear........
     
  11. ....thought Lt Phillips, as he perused through his collection of women's clothing that he had aquired during the last deployment.

    Meanwhile the Skipper was climbing up the gangway with his two KaiTai's in tow. He handed them over to the QM and said 'Leader please could you arrange transport for these two gentlemen back to the mainland, there seems to be some mistake''.............
     
  12. In the Wardroom, Lt/Cdr O' Riley, the gunnery officer was recovering from his dinner time session, he dreamed he was again back in Bermuda, and could feel the intense heat around his lower legs, it was becomming unbearable, he awoke with a start! "Steward shift me from the fire, I'm burning"" he lcried... Leading Steward Patterson ran towards Guns, poised with the soda syphon.....
     
  13. only to trip up on an empty Pimms bottle. The soda syphon flew out of his hand and ended up firmly lodged.....
     
  14. ........in the backside of Lt/Cdr O' Riley. The syphon had been a hand-me-down of his father and his father's father, highlighting a generational mandate of the attendance of Patterson males to clown college. He hadn't half irked his parents, when he told them he was joining the drew. At least some of his clown college training was coming in handy and he hoped that despite being near to the hoses, the hilarity of the woefully inadequate syphon would not be lost on Lt/Cdr O'Riley.

    Realising the syphon was 6 up the old' basts arse, he cried.......
     
  15. "You dozy twat " Shouted Lt./Cdr O'Riley as the leading steward soaked his trousers with the soda syphon. "Dont talk to me like that" said the steward" Or Ill slap in to see some bastard about it".
     
  16. :lol:

    ..was what the Lt/Cdr wish he could have been saying in this situation but the sheer reality of the ever-encroaching soda syphon was becoming swiftly more worrying by the second. He remembered his IOT, specifically the "What to do when gagged and being mistaken for a lady-boy by the men" section and realised that the best way to dislodge the bottle was to......
     
  17. Recoiling in horror at the stewards threat, he fell against the Action Station Alarm, The alarm sounded throughout the ship, both the steward and Guns frozen to the spot with the sudden realisation that the alarm could not be muted as it had shorted out, having been soaked with soda......
     
  18. .........stand up on the wardroom table and demand an end to all this nonsense, meanwhile the QM, BM and Upperdeck Sentry, who could now barely stand, where gearing up to come off watch. The QM ordered the BM to ditch the take away packaging and take the PS3 back down the mess while he called the duty PO to do the weapon handover. As the BM was walking back to the mess, on 2 Deck he saw the WE roundsman who was..........
     
  19. Racing towards his action station. The companionways were awash with heving bodies half dressed racing to their place of duty.. Taloolah was the first to enter the wardroom being the leading hand of the first aid station,
    her lithesome body semi-naked edging around the wardroom door. She had just come from the shower and still dripping wet had put on her white blouse which was now saturated with cold water, making her nipples stand out, so much so that they entered the wardroom two minutes before she did........
     
  20. Upon entering the wardroom her eyes lit up at the sight of the soda syphon. As she grabbed the offending object both Patterson and O'riley could only gasp in amazement as she.....................
     

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