Forced to watch X Factor

#1
It's freezing outside and in the bedroom because the heating's sh!t so can't evac. I'm on my laptop with the X Factor blaring in the background, listening to that kiddy-fiddling nonce with the child-seducing twinkling nonce eyes that cops can spot a mile off gushing pails of sh!te about these pawns and their wailing.

Gawd, now that buzz-cut middle-age women's man Cowell is starting his self-serving righteous pious crap. At least that demented Aussie dwarf and Cilla Black Mk2 minus the class have shut it for a bit.

'sake, no wonder domestic abuse is on the increase this season :x

Now they're all crying for some reason!! My Dad would laugh in my face and kick my head in if I started bawing like that. Pass ma shuvel, I'm going to the live show to cave them in.
 
#3
Forced ?, you mean your other half is watching and you have to endure the pain........surely you have some er ear muffs in the cellar where you are digging out the floor with windy drill to construct acid pit/ torture bath.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#5
Lets face it. It makes a change from being secured with harry maskers, having a snooker ball rammed in your gob while your misses inavades your old mud eye with a £7.99 Cactus from B & Q with the promise of some water boarding if you clean the toilet with your head.
 
#8
Blackrat said:
Lets face it. It makes a change from being secured with harry maskers, having a snooker ball rammed in your gob while your misses inavades your old mud eye with a £7.99 Cactus from B & Q with the promise of some water boarding if you clean the toilet with your head.
Maybe, but it's still the less enjoyable option surely?
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#10
Guzzler said:
Blackrat said:
Lets face it. It makes a change from being secured with harry maskers, having a snooker ball rammed in your gob while your misses inavades your old mud eye with a £7.99 Cactus from B & Q with the promise of some water boarding if you clean the toilet with your head.
Maybe, but it's still the less enjoyable option surely?
The X Factor is pain in the extreme. I never watch the thing but i have to admit, if there were no nazi themed torture orgies going on in London, i was nearly tempted to watch an episode. Thank the lord for Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall. The sexual Nirvana i achieved from watching that blokes programme will never be equalled.
 
#12
Sterling_Stirling said:
wannabefpilot87 said:
I'm proud to say I have never watched a single episode :)
Same same.
I'm too tired to bugger about with headphones and ear muffs. You two are lucky, the lady being an absolute rarity.

Blackrat said:
Lets face it. It makes a change from being secured with harry maskers, having a snooker ball rammed in your gob while your misses inavades your old mud eye with a £7.99 Cactus from B & Q with the promise of some water boarding if you clean the toilet with your head.
The prospect of having a cactus rammed up ma blinky bill sounds like heaven at this moment in time. I'm positively salivating at the thought of breaking all my teeth on the snooker ball as I convulse my cheeks rhythmically, giving my rear view the appearance of a shaved, rather chubby and toothless giant hamster head gargling a green picnic bar whilst vomiting what appears to be a Nesquik mix of chocolate and strawberry.

And now Paul McCartney's on. :evil:
 
#14
I can't believe people are actually voting for this sh1te . .

Let's see - to vote, you call a premium rate line that gives Cowell money. Whoever wins gets a contract with Cowell that earns him even more money. And ITV are paying him to do it. And the sponsors are paying him.

And still, people are calling in to vote. . . .

Fvcking daft cvnts.

Especially my missus who is also calling her mates to vote too . . . :x
 
#15
I used to like it when Gillian Anderson was in it but they've changed the format so much I can't follow it.

Have they found the aliens then or what?
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#16
TattooDog said:
I can't believe people are actually voting for this sh1te . .

Let's see - to vote, you call a premium rate line that gives Cowell money. Whoever wins gets a contract with Cowell that earns him even more money. And ITV are paying him to do it. And the sponsors are paying him.

And still, people are calling in to vote. . . .

Fvcking daft cvnts.

Especially my missus who is also calling her mates to vote too . . . :x
Is it me or is Simon Cowell an utter cock?
 
#17
TattooDog said:
I can't believe people are actually voting for this sh1te . .

Let's see - to vote, you call a premium rate line that gives Cowell money. Whoever wins gets a contract with Cowell that earns him even more money. And ITV are paying him to do it. And the sponsors are paying him.

And still, people are calling in to vote. . . .

Fvcking daft cvnts.

Especially my missus who is also calling her mates to vote too . . . :x
If I don't stop swearing and shouting I'm going to be sleeping on the couch.
 
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