For all you cold folk in th UK - WFA

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by SONAR-BENDER, Nov 18, 2013.

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  1. I do hope this helps the older members of the RR community spend their WFA wisely!!


    About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment.

    This is indeed a very exciting programme and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

    Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?
    A. It is money the government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money ?
    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
    A. Only a smidgen of it.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
    A. Shut up.

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:

    * If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka

    * If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

    * If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China

    * If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala

    If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

    * If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

    * If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

    Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

    1. Spending it at car boot sales

    2. Going to night clubs

    3. Spending it on prostitutes

    4. Buying beer or whisky

    5. Getting yourself a Tattoo

    6. Visiting a bookie

    (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

    Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

    No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help

  2. Take it your £300 has landed on the mate in sunny Spain then Sonar???? I trust that you are going to spend it wisely on Gin (Gordons English) ... unless thats been taken over??
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Nope - too young to qualify!!
  4. :laughing3: ... sorry to hear that!
  5. So am I - the weather has broken and it is only 16 today and the mountains are pure white for the first time this year.

    SWMBO is dripping, but she has plenty of jumpers and fleeces. The law (me!) says no form of artificial heating is allowed until December!!

  6. You miserable old bugger!
  7. Probably not happy that the old ranchero is getting worth less and less each daybrushteeth
  8. I tried that one, I hope you had better luck than I did
  9. Wits - haven't got any air-con as we hate it. The daily sea breeze is quite sufficient during the summer, but we don't get stupidly hot here anyway, usually only mid 30s. Agree about the price of the lecky though! The gits here have NOT put up the price of the actual lecky, but the ramped up the standing charges big time!

    Handler - we bought off-plan years ago and our place is still worth at least double what we paid. Sorry to disappoint!

    Sadly 'they' also put 10% on alchohol recently, so gin is now just over 4 euros a bottle - criminal I say!

    MG - she wore me down - one bar of the gas fire is now on!!!
    • Like Like x 1
  10. You and me both ... held out as long as I could then the incessant bleating down my port lughole got through and the boiler got flashed up ... then I found out that despite having the system serviced in the summer one of the motorised valves needed replacing so it was a few more days while the heating engineer got his act together and fixed it. Place is like the hot house at Kew gardens now!

    4 Euro's for gin! Criminal!

    MG =D

  11. Ask Wreckage to bring round one of the universal 4lb fixers.........
  12. Ahh ... now you do have a good point Sonar ... however tempting I must keep telling myself that the boiler is a bit of precision engineering ................
  13. Out of curiosity...why didn't your wives just turn on the heating themselves when they got cold? I've been turning mine on since September (but it's an all inclusive rent :))
  14. Old engineering is good engineering MGM, if in doubt, give it a clout. If it won't go, give it a blow (with a hammer before the comments start ;) )
  15. :laughing5: ... thought that might get you out of the woodwork! But agree ... good clout with a 4lb starter does the trick .... sometimes!

  16. a) She can't carry in the gas bottles.
    b) She can't operate the fire with broken fingers.
    c) She has lots of jumpers/fleeces and 2 mohair throws at 120 euros a pop.
    d) The temperature indoors WITH NO HEATING is 24 degrees.
  17. Nice to get some of my tax payments back, paid it straight onto my gas and electric account otherwise it would go on a new pair of shoes and handbag for Mrs F.
  18. I must be getting seen orf here. The WFA was always paid straight into my bank account until Mrs Mango hit 65. Since then we get half each paid into our respective accounts - and guess who pays the fuel bill!

  19. You were doubly seen `orf Mango as Mrs M was receiving her share before she was 65. Now you know what paid for those nice slippers you've been getting for Crimbo.
  20. A pair of shoes AND a handbag! Jeez Finks she must see you coming!

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