FlipFlops Fables

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by slim, Dec 22, 2015.

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  1. Most of us have read or have heard of Easops Fables which are stories containing moral messages.
    What is not so widely know are the Flipflop Fables, stories from an old naval sage to teach young thrusters the morals or otherwise of life in a blue suit.
    Here are just three for starters:

    Flipflops Fables

    The Diver and the Dabtoe
    One day a diver and a dabtoe were having an argument as to which of their branches was the
    most important. They decided to settle the argument by having a competition a race round five
    pubs, drink a pint in each one and then back to the ship. First back onboard would be the winner.
    The diver a fit 'andsom young thruster thought this will be easy as the dabtoe was a short stumpy
    couch potato.
    So come the day both men met at the bottom of the gangway on Fountain Lake Jetty, where the
    ship was berthed.
    The race was started and the diver sprinted away to the first venue, The Great Western near the
    Guildhall, suffice it to say the diver was not a drinking man and had to peruse the beer prices
    before he could decide which one to drink. Just as he ordered the dabtoe sauntered in and said to
    the barman my normal please, he paid for it and saw it off in one. The divers pint came just as the
    dabtoe left the pub. Next stop was the Lennox, of course dabtoe had arrived there and had a pint
    half finished by the time the diver arived. This became the norm until the last bar was reached
    which was the Ship Anson which was some distance from the other pubs near the Guildhall.
    The diver arrived first and was just finishing his beer when in walked the dabtoe. Just a run back
    to the ship and I am the winner shouted the Diver, good luck replied the dabtoe.
    The diver raced back to Fountain Lake Jetty.
    Meanwhile the dabtoe finished his beer and had another, finally he sauntered through Victory gate
    and then onto his ship which was now berthed at South Railway Jetty. The cold move had of
    course been promulgated on Daily Orders, pity the Diver hadn't read them.
    The diver turned up 15 minutes later and conceded defeat.


    The Spare Tot
    Old Smudger was not much of a drinker and decided to abstain from alcohol for a month. This meant that there was a spare tot to share between the other ten mess members. for the first few days Smudg's tot was passed amiably around the mess and Smudge was happy to see that it was being fairly shared. However the drinkers decided that they would take turns in having a whole tot.
    Within a few days there was bickering and arguments about who's turn for the tot it was.
    This pissed old Smudge off so next day he drew his own tot, much to the annoyance of the mess
    bubbly rats. He informed them that as from now he would be drawing his tot daily and was not
    going to share it.
    He then went to the sink and poured the tot down the sink, which he continued doing this till the
    end of the month.


    The Strippers Knickers.
    Every Sunday down at the working mans club they had a stripper on, not the best looking girls but
    the lads enjoyed watching and taking the piss.
    Now one Sunday the M.C. announced that they had a new girl who was well worth watching, she
    was absolutely gorgeous, all the way from Thailand, slim with a pretty face, pert little titties and a
    nice arse to boot.
    Smudge watched her intently and immediately fell madly in love, so much so that when the stripper removed her knickers and threw them into the crowd he made a gallant effort to catch them,
    however this was not to be the case.
    They were retrieved by an slip of a lad hardly old enough to be in the bar never mind old enough
    to own a strippers knickers.
    Smudge called him over and negotiated a price for them which the lad accepted. Smudge was
    ecstatic. For the next month at tot time he slurped his tot through the gusset and enoyed every
    drop while taking the piss out of those lesser mortals who were knickerless.
    Unfortunately his joy was not to last, the next Sunday all the mess were watching him
    ceremoniously drinking his tot and when he had finished immediately started clapping and
    piss taking. Smudge was confused, why? He was passed a copy of the News of the World and
    there on the front page was an expose of Thai Lady Boys working as Strippers in the U.K.
    To make matters worse his beloved stripper was pictured on the front page.
    Do not believe everything you see is real!

    There are certainly many more Flipflops fables around, hopefully Bill no Mates will remember some as his penmanship is far better than mine
     
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  2. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    One day during summer leave, five matelots based at a shore establishment as ships company packed and left to holiday at a caravan campsite in eastern England. The plan was that they were going to spend the entire period either on the beach, or on the beer. Or both. Hey, why not? Their caravan was positioned in and amongst others on the site and the day after they arrived, a family of four arrived in the caravan next to theirs. Over the next three days, the matelots raucous behavior and leering at the family's teenage daughter became untenable so the father complained to the site supervisors and a first warning was issued, coupled with the threat of expulsion if broached. Needless to say this had the opposite effect with the following night's booze and music antics (with one of them engaging in fornication with a mystery female under the caravan in full sight of all other holidaymakers) lasted until half past three in the morning.

    The site supervisiors were contacted the following morning and the matelots were ordered to pack and leave, by ten o'colock. As the matelots futilely protested through their hangovers with the site supervisors, they noticed the neighbour exiting their caravan and get into his car with his family and a load of beachwear. He cast a sneery grin at the lads as he drove away and gave a little wave.

    As the matelots were packing, they noticed that the family had left their lounge window open. One matelot snuck in, let the rest in and they then found the family's toothbrushes and pushed all four up their individual bumholes, with the fifth matelot photographing the spectacle of four handles protruding from four a***cracks ... on the family's own camera. and replaced the toothbrushes as found.

    Needless to say, when the family got that film developed, they would have discovered what revenge feels ... and indeed tastes like.

    Never, ever mess with resourceful. opportunistic sailors is the moral of this Flip-flop Fable.

    levers
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2016
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