In the "old" days of the Cold War, it was rumoured that when the balloon went up the USSR would send a couple of Bears (probably Ds and Fs) up and down the west coast of Ireland kicking out a flu bug or something similar. This would assist in reducing the capability of the Imperialistic West.

Now we will have the Chinese to worry about in the future. What will they do in pre-empting a conflict? Well, I'll tell ya. They will flood the Western markets with kiddies trampolines - which will include badly worded instructions along with badly drawn pictures to guide you. These instructions will say that you require two adults to assemble it. Ha - not a chance for budding\serving\ex matelots - we can do it on our own!

Christ on a bike, I'm fcuked. Skin on my finger tips has become very sensitive and my back feels as though I've had a herd of wildebeest migrate over it.

And the Strimmer, when he woke up from his afternoon nap spent a paltry 5 mins on it. It is debatable if he makes to his third birthday next month.....

So if you see a lot of stumpy slanty eyed types early next week don't say I didn't warn you. I'd like to help, but I'm fcuked.

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