Oh, Mister Lobsterman, home from the sea,
Have you got a lobster you will sell to me?
Singing ai-diddly-ai, shit or bust,
Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust.
Yes sir, yes sir, I have three,
And the biggest of the bastards I will sell to thee.
So I took the lobster home, but I couldn't find a dish,
So I put him in the pot where the missus takes a piss.
In the middle of the night, as you well know,
The missus got up for to have a heave ho.
Well, the missus gave a groan, and the missus gave a grunt,
Now she got the bloody lobster swinging from her ****.
The missus grabbed the brush, and I grabbed the broom,
And we chased the bloody lobster all around the room.
We hit it on the head, we hit it on the side,
We hit that bloody lobster until the bastard died.
Oh, the story has a moral, and this is it,
Always take a look before you take a shit.
That's the end of my story, there ain't no more,
There's an apple up my ********, and you can have the core.
Down in Nagasaki the monkey fucked the cat,
And all the cat could do was **** the monkey back.
Drink it down, down, down, down