Farting Protocol

[slim]

As the festive season approaches and we partake of sprouts, mince pies and other flatulence producing foods it brings about the question is there a protocol for farting?
For instance in a bar area containing ladies, if a lady should fart is there a pecking order for the person willing to admit to said fart to save the lady any embarrassment? Should the order be , AB followed by LH followed by PO etcetera?
Should you find that you are unable to contain your flatulence, do you just let it go or do you surreptitiously find some unsuspecting mug to blame?
Having examined several etiquette articles I am still at a loss.
It is my belief that RR members would be eminently qualified to correct this situation and between us produce a farting protocol.

 

[higthepig]

It is always polite in company, that should anyone fart, one should not say "Cor, who`s shit"

 

[slim]

It is always polite in company, that should anyone fart, one should not say "Cor, who`s shit"

If this is said, then in true naval fashion person standing nearest to speaker should reply "Yours sign here"!

 

[higthepig]

It is also good manners that if a Lady returns from the powder room, and some one has just dropped one, not to turn to her and say " have you just been for a crap, or what?"

 

[Chalky]

I believe that should a Lady audible break wind then a Gentleman is duty bound to fart louder than her and, if necessary, follow through to create sufficient distraction to alleviate her embarrassment.

The term 'throwing smoke' could perhaps be applied.

 

[angrydoc]

Equal opportunities lads - ladies have to take equal amounts of flatulence-related flak!

 

[rosinacarley]

Ladies do not fart - they make love puffs!

 

[higthepig]

I agree with Chalky, up to a point, I feel it would be a dodgy move after a large quantity of Guiness.

 

[andym]

You can always spot a non farter,they never fecking smile!!!!

 

[shag_shacker]

if a lady farts i find it not acceptable to say "can you smell spunk"

this also applies to a lady belch

 

[josiecats]

Ladies do not fart - they make love puffs!

Im so sorry t disagree with you Rosey ,, but us girls do fart!!! and we do a realy good job of blaming the men .... or the dog!!

Well that is what men are here for you know, to be blamed :twisted:

 

[Scran_Bag]

I have found that when in polite or mixed company, that when it's suspected that there is a noxious odour in the air then one should enquire "Has someone opened their egg sandwiches?".
This may discover the culprit.
If not, then ask whether someone has shat themself.

 

[Darkershadeofblu]

It's easy - If the culprit is wearing tights you will find that her ankles become the same size as Wrens ankles!

 

[Moojuice!]

Last line Josiecats " that's what men are for ......." You gotta be hurting?????

 

[noemis]

Is it rude to fart loudly in public then?