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Farting catches you out.......

rebbonk

Lantern Swinger
Book Reviewer
I took my girlfriend to the cinema one night. It was Jacob's ladder IIRC? All of a sudden she hissed in my ear, "You filthy bastard!"

Innocently, I asked, "What..." and then pulled a very distressed face. "Come on love, we're moving," I said and dragged her up and over to another part of the cinema. Slowly, others followed us. This happened several times.

In order to prove my 'innocence', I saw the manager and demanded my money back. He grudgingly handed it over. The girlfriend went to her grave 30 years later never knowing the truth.
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Last weekend I had the pleasure of grand daughters company. Sidled over to sit by me to watch Roald Dahls "Big Friendly Giant" on Netflix.
She sat down and then let out a hoofer whilst clutching this toy (Doll-Doll).
Stink?
A full NBCD suit wouldn't have had any effect..... that's my girl!

IMG_20201031_104747.jpg

I couldn't have done better if I'd seen off a crate of Murphys and a plate of sprouts.
 

Alfacharlie

War Hero
HMS Chatham, bridge wing having a tab. Just left Egypt * and waiting to give the flying brief. Had a mahoosive fart and it turned wet.
The main problem was, I was in them white shorts you had for tropical rig.
Huge map of Africa on me arse region.
The Flight Commander cancelled our flying for four day’s! He was chuffed to fcuk, but I was to fro with the aft heads for about a week!

* Most of you have more than likely visited such dump, therefore would understand.
 

Sumo

War Hero
Last weekend I had the pleasure of grand daughters company. Sidled over to sit by me to watch Roald Dahls "Big Friendly Giant" on Netflix.
She sat down and then let out a hoofer whilst clutching this toy (Doll-Doll).
Stink?
A full NBCD suit wouldn't have had any effect..... that's my girl!

View attachment 55366

I couldn't have done better if I'd seen off a crate of Murphys and a plate of sprouts.
The doll did it
 

Sumo

War Hero
HMS Chatham, bridge wing having a tab. Just left Egypt * and waiting to give the flying brief. Had a mahoosive fart and it turned wet.
The main problem was, I was in them white shorts you had for tropical rig.
Huge map of Africa on me arse region.
The Flight Commander cancelled our flying for four day’s! He was chuffed to fcuk, but I was to fro with the aft heads for about a week!

* Most of you have more than likely visited such dump, therefore would understand.
I just blamed the shite beer.
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
I once farted when stood next to the skipper's wife.
He snarled at me, 'How dare you fart in front my good lady!'
My reply, 'Sorry sir, didn't realise it was her turn!'
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
2 worst shithouses I'd ever seen were in the grand bazaar in Istanbul and in Karachi, but there again Karachi was a mahoosive shithole in it's own right!

I never went near any in Egypt, I would have rather follow through sober.
 

slim

War Hero
2 worst shithouses I'd ever seen were in the grand bazaar in Istanbul and in Karachi, but there again Karachi was a mahoosive shithole in it's own right!

I never went near any in Egypt, I would have rather follow through sober.
When I worked in Cairo most of the locals would just raise their robes and take a shit anywhere.
 
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