FAO Blondes

geoffg

Lantern Swinger
#1
A Blonde's Year in Review

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels.....

Helllloooo!!!......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"

April

Trapped on escalator for hours, power went out!!!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June

Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition......learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!



August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October

Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days..., instructions said 1 hour
per pound and I weigh 108!!

December

Couldn't call 911 .....
"duh".....there's no "eleven"
Button on the stupid phone!!!

geoff(ers) :nemo:
 

wet_blobby

War Hero
Moderator
#2
Blonde convention at the NEC, the speaker is telling the 10,000 strong audiance a story......

Speaker: I'll prove to you blondes arn't dumb, you madam come and join me on the podiom...

...blonde joins him on the podiom...

Speaker: what's 3 plus three?

Blonde: Seven

Crowd of 9,999 blondes: GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE.......

Speaker: OK, last chance, whats 3 plus 3.....

Blonde: ...Ummm, this is hard...umm...is it 6?

Crowd of 9,999 blondes: GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE...
 

carlm

Lantern Swinger
#3
Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!




The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"



A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"




A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".




Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!





Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.


The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

"I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,

"No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."




A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"





A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,

"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"




A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
 

chrissz

Lantern Swinger
#4
A blonde woman was hired by the local council to paint the white lines down the centre of the road.

On her first day she covered 5 miles, on her second only three and on her third less she managed less than half a mile!

Her supervisor asked her why she did so well at the start of the week but then got worse and worse, to which she replied-

"Every day it got further and further to walk back to the tin!"


Blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer -

"Can you identify yourself please miss?" says the officer.

"Yes" replies the blonde, pulls a compact out of her bag, looks in the mirror and says "Yes, that's me!"

Police officer says "May I check please" and has a look herself. "Oh!" she says, "If I'd known you were a police officer to I would never have pulled you over!"
 
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