F**king up your driving test

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by shellbackmac, Nov 3, 2007.

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  1. Have any other Rum Rationers got stories of woe concering passing their driving test???!!! Between the ages of 17 and 21 I royally f**ked up 4 tests before they finally gave in and let me pass my fifth.

    My own catalogue of shame included the following - (These were all DURING tests and not during lessons!)

    Knocking a bloke off his moped in Watford.

    Not stopping (or even f**king braking) at a give way and causing another road user to swerve off the road and go through a hedge in Dumbarton.

    Being told to take the next left by the examiner and instead of turning into the next road, driving into a farmers field, wedging the car in 2 feet deep mud and covering it in cowsh**t. Had to be towed out.

    Finally passed in what must have been the easiest test ever, had to do a three point turn on a road so wide I could have accomplished it in an articulated lorry, think I just wore the examiners down.
  2. Should have got bonus points for that mate.

    If you need some more practice come up where I live. We've got loads of the little cnuts round here screaming around on their 'peds. As they spend half their time screaming around at night two-up with no helmets or lights, half of the time on the pavement and the other half on the wrong side of the road I was considering a length of wire at neck height across the road might do the trick. :evil2:
  3. i took 5 tests 2.. my driving instructor said i was a cracking driver i just dont respond well under presure

    1st time i messed up on roundabout with lane discipline
    2nd time i pulled out on someone because i couldnt see (too many parked cars)
    3rd time messed up on roundabout.. took wrong lane to turn right
    4th time i pullled up on double yellow lines when he asked me to top in a convenient place!
    5th passed!
  4. When I was learning to drive my instructor told me about a pupil he once had. He bought his own car while learning and took his test in it. At the start of the test he excitedly told the examiner, "this car will do 90mph!"

    :hockey: "Things NOT to say during a driving test"
  5. Do let us know when you are taking to the road mate :wink:
  6. I was a biker and will always be a biker.

    So it was time to go in the tin box at the old age of twenty two. The instructor said why not go for the HGV at the same time. So I did.

    Came the day of the test and the examiner shit blue lights. We have no dual controls on HGV test vehicles. I could have sworn that I would make it round that bend in third the wall got nearer and nearer.

    It was the first time I saw a grown man cry. And scream!!

    Bastard failed me!!!
  7. Well I never fcuked up on my driving test but I had a mate who was learning to drive with an instructor, swerved to avoid a rabbit and rolled the car! Fortunately nobody was hurt including the rabbit, but she couldn't understand why when she phoned to book her next lesson he refused to take her.......
  8. Mate ..... you've just given me one of the best laughs for ages! Cheers!
  9. Took my bike test in Swindon in 77, already had my car licence 3 years. Went with an oppo who was due to take his about 40 mins be fore mine but we had arrived early so had a pint while we waited . he went for his test so I had a pint while I waited. He`d passed so we had a pint to cellibrate.
    I then went for mine. After doing a couple of left handed curcuits round the block he stopped me and asked if my indcators worked?
    I said they did and showed him.
    He asked why I wasnt useing them.
    I said that the street was desserted and there was no one to indicate to.
    Do you want to pass this test?
    Then pretend that there is!

    At the end he asked if you had to wear a helmet in a side car? I didnt have one , I said no and he passed me.

    I dont think you would get through these days if you tried that :dwarf:
  10. Glad you liked the dits Skyvet!!! Was staying with my folks in Helensburgh a few years back and was walking along the front when a BSM metro started tooting me and then pulled over. It was my old instructor who finally got me a pass!! He had a young lad with him taking lessons and asked me to spin him the stories of my test tribulations. Apparently he was a nervous driver and needed some geeing up. On reflection I dont really know if it was me giving him confidence or him thinking 'F**k me, if that idiot can pass, I must be able to!'
  11. As we left the test centre to start the test (1990) The examiner asked if I could read the number plate of the car over there (pointing to a car on its own in a corner of the centre)?
    Being stupid and anxious I asked with a straight face "what car? where?
    The examiner looked at me with that pissed off look ion his face and sighed.
    "OK" says I feeling his icy stare. Its -----(whatever it was).
    "Hmmm" says Mr No sense of humour.
    Anyhow we get into the car and after the usual preamble we set off.
    We get to the gates of the test centre. I stop to let by a passing stray dog and lurch forward only to hit the dog and do a perfect emergency stop on the poor pooches leg! "Your on the F**king dog!!!" yells the examiner. Test over! FAIL......

    Took the dog to a vet who patched up its busted leg.

    Passed the test 3rd time round after a fleeing criminal hits my stationary car on the 2nd test! I "failed" as the car didnt drive too well with the door stoved in at the rear!
  12. Not a civil driving test (as I had been driving for quite a few years by this time) but a Naval Landrover test by a Chatham Dockyard MT Instructor.

    The git failed me on a 3 point turn (I touched the kerbs ?) and the fact that I would not empty the radiator of a vehicle if a severe frost was due :scratch: ?? - my answer had been to cover it with a thick blanket... !!

    Mind you I still carried on drivng the Landwreck about the yard.

  13. Stopped at the traffic lights: learner driver, civvie car then police car. Lights turn green, learner goes to pull away and stalls. By the time the learner restarts the engine, the lights have changed to red. Lights turn green, learner goes to pull away, and stalls. Again lights turn red before he restarts. Lights turn green, again the learner stalls. This time, civvie opens his door and starts to get out. From behind him the police car's loudhailer calls: would the gentlemen who just got out of his vehicle return to it immediately and remember that once he was a learner driver too. Civvie blushes bright red, turns around and gets back in his vehicle. Lights turn green, AGAIN the learner stalls. From the police loudhailer (still inappropriately switched on): Bl**dy hell, the tw*t's gone and done it again!
  14. Not a driving test story, but in the same vein as OSLO, I was walking through Glasgow (brave or what as a Sassenach) and I came up to some traffic lights. Pressing the button to stop the traffic thus allowing me to cross the road, I noticed that there was a car containing 4 Nuns ahead of a police landrover approaching the lights, and as they turned from green to amber, the Nun's car stopped, but unfortunately the police landrover didn't, and shunted the Nuns car right up the chuff!
    I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when the coppers had to explain that one away back at the nick!
  15. I remember a road safety public information film from a few years back that used to make me chuckle. It was presented by Peter Purves from Blue Peter and was guidance on the correct use of foglamps whilst motoring. There was lots of warnings about being seen on the motorway in foggy conditons and then Peter would stare sternly at the camera and announce 'And remember, nobody likes being shunted from the rear....................!!!!!!!'
  16. Reminds me of when the Blue Peter presenter (cant remeber his name) said that they were a great pair of knockers - my Dad spilt his cuppa on that one and then told me off for laughing too!

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