It was a cold Wednesday night, and the weather was shite, On a blank week and yes it was raining, It was our last week in guzz, we were leaving because, On Monday we started sea training. I was well strapped for dosh, and the streets were awash, with septics with money aplenty, So with me old mates, Chalky white, Buster Bates, To get some was quite elementary. Now the septics are suckers, for their family trees, And to woo em is easy, just put them at ease They all trace their families to the mayflower ship It sure must'a been crowded during that little trip, Ask any yank where he's from he will say Stratford on Avon, or somewhere that way. Yes the Mayflower must have been quite a large boat There was that many on it I'm surprised it would float It arrived in Virginia with immigrants a plenty, But the night that it sailed Warwickshire was half empty. So to get them to part with a drink for poor "Jack" You need to distract them and give them the yak And if you are good, and keep them placated You can kid em in no time you might well be related. Whatever they tell you you have to agree Then pick up on the facts build your own family tree, lie like a trooper you've all got it in ya By the time that I finish I owned west Virginia I've had more pilgrim fathers depart from my clan I invent them piecemeal if they fit in my plan I've invented more relatives than America has had Ten pilgrim fathers and then one of them's dad, grandfather pilgrims were rather quite rare but if it gets me a wet then I don't fuckin care. George Washington came from a street near to us just 200 miles on a very fast bus I've laid claim to more castles than ever was built, I've worn every tartan on every kilt William the conqueror, a mate of my dad, Richard the lionheart? the best friend that I've had. I've told them of family that live in the states persuaded them sometimes our dads could be mates And in the 7Th cavalry well naturally so my granny served with distinction you know I've had drinks bought me for tales of the gentry, related to dukes? well yes that's rudimentary, I could trace both his and my families to Hereward the wake Queen Victoria ? no problem well for goodness sake Every one living twix bedford and crew had relatives in Salem that drank witches brew The yarns that I've spun have been bollocks but funny But I've never told anyone the queen was my mummy I did say to one I was heir to the crown I think I'm 30 millionth, and its not counting down Now back to the story in guzz yes I think we told a good yarn and got shit loads of drink.