War Hero
I know that the skippers table used to be the very Mecca of bullshit, but by **** it was a place of legend for the dit spinner.
But sometimes the truth is even as bizarre as fact.

After leaving the mob I acquired amongst other things a Taxi badge so as never to be wanting for a means of ready cash.
During one spell of taxi driving I was given a job to pick up from a road right in the inner city of Birmingham, and take the passenger ( a woman) to work.
I had been warned that we had picked her up late three times in a row and she would not be over happy if we
were not on time
I was running late but managed to get to her road reasonably fast so pulled it back. Except as I came around the bend of her road no more than 50 yards from her front door,the road was blocked solid.
Yup it was blocked solid with one of the biggest heard of goats I have ever seen, not what you would expect in Birmingham.
They milled about eating everything and nothing and they had a go at the wind mirror of my car. I blew the horn, shouted, waved, the full ish but these ******* were having none of it and just ambled about until suddenly a dog fucks em all off.
I pulled up in front of the birds house she comes out and fuckin hell, I needed a tin hat. She called me a twat my sister was a twat my wife my dad, everyone for three generations or more in my family were all lazy bad time keeping **** pigs. I told her repeatedly about the goats and we had suggestions from giving up diner time drinking to self certifying myself as a raving loony.
She promptly dropped our firm for about a week or so and used our main competitor who were worse at time keeping than us.
Finding out the fact that she was going to be late whatever, she decided to return to us and cut her losses.
So a few days on and I get her on the return home at about 2 in the morning.
I had a barrage of sarcastic remarks from her about goats and she decided she was going to call me Tin Tin for whatever reason.
We turned into her street and I stopped.
Why have you stopped here she says from the back, its further down.
She drags herself upright and looks out the window and says "Oh my god Goats"
I said "I cant see any fuckin goats and I'd suggest you don't they get you called names".