excuses used to get out of the Rattle

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by scouse, Apr 11, 2008.

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  1. We had an Indian Naval/airman on the Squadron, who was up before the Master at Arms for not shaving."why havent you had a shave" "Master i am awaiting spare parts for my razor " / "what spare parts" ? / "mainly razor blades! The Jhoss and everyone burst out laughing and let him off :thumright: :angel12:
  2. Remember him well Scouse, NAM Sejpol, used to carry a newspaper article telling how he walked 300 miles or so from some remote vilage in asia to join the RN.
  3. "Why are you smoking on the quarterdeck ?"

    "I'm not smoking, Sir."

    "You've got a cigarette in your hand."

    "I've got shoes on me feet but I'm not fcuking walking."
  4. Why are you wearing green socks young man?

    Because my red ones are in the wash Chief......

    I'll do the bright work then!
  5. Me, hands in pockets, spied by CHOPS M. "Your 'ands cold sir?"
    "Getting warmer thanks Chief".
  6. "What's your name, boy?"

    "Haven't got one, Sir."

    "What do you mean "Haven't got one"?"

    "Chief GI took it, Sir."
  7. Standing at Captain's table :-
    Captain : "Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?"
    Defaulter : "Yes Sir, case dismissed"
    Captain : "Case dismissed?"
    Defaulter : "Thank you Sir"
  8. At Yeovil many moons ago.

    Chief: "why are you adrift lad!"
    Lad: " I was mugged by polar bears Chief"
    All: fell about laughing nothing more said.

    the good old days.
  9. 1LT: So MEM Scruntfuttock, why were you adrift on the morning in question?

    Our hero: Well Sir, it's like this.... I got up at six, had a dhobey, ate me breakfast and was ready to hop on me treader by zero six four five.....

    1LT: Well you seem to have been ready to have left home in good time?

    Our hero: That's were the problem started Sir. As I opened the back door, some bastard had eight-pieced me on the back door step....

    1LT: AND........?????

    Our hero: Well Sir, have you ever tried throwing three double sixes at that time in the morning???????

  10. Many years ago, when I was a cadet, the 1st Lt asked a senior cadet why he was standing in the sunshine, whilst all the other cadets were busy working.

    Instant response - You are stopping me from working, Sir!

    On asking for an explanation (should have known better) 1st Lt was told "I am the duty sundial and you are standing on my shadow".

    Cadet (known as Chewbacca in those days) went on to Para and various other similar adventures and is now in an (African?) tourist resort, teaching keep fit to totty.
  11. PO (AH) "Physco" Deacon on Cdr's defaulters and shortly after being awarded punishment starts looking under the table. Cdr: "What are you doing Deacon". Physco: "Looking for justice sir because there's fcuk all coming over the top".
  12. "Well sir I was driving back to the Boat from leave last night and the fog came down so I stopped till the morning when I hoped the fog would have cleared. but as the dawn broke it still didn`t get any clearer and I drove very slowly back"

    "But there wasn`t any fog this morning"

    "It wasn`t until I had being honked at and overtaken many times by speeding cars that I realised the reason I couldn`t see was the windows were steamed up." :dwarf:

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