Everything is alright, thanks to......

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by guestm, Mar 18, 2010.

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  1. ..... Sailor Jerry Rum.

    4 days in the field and I had a bit of a shocker to be honest:

    1) All ratpacks were menu E
    2) Starboard pitzip blow out on my buffalo jacket.
    3) Pussers sleeping bag + thermarest on an incline = sliding off said thermarest rendering it useless. Massive tussocks meaning no flat gonking was available.
    4) Jetboil ignitor failed day 2.
    5) Drysack rippage resulting in wet change of socks and shemagh.
    6) Got bumped whilst mid-turd, resulting in a faeces / clothing incident.

    But, all was ok, and you know why? Because I had a hipflask full of this magnificent stuff:


    Yes, no matter what the fieldcraft demon could throw at me, the continuous buzz of mild inebriation and warmth in the chest made everything

    Alcohol is for kings, and Sailor Jerry Rum is my new favourite outdoor companion. I'm off to Morrison's to buy another 12 bottles.
  2. Basically what you're saying is all your supposedly Gucci kit, fell apart after 10 minutes.

    Also did you throw the turd at the incoming enemy as per Inf Pam 5H1T?
  3. There was no throwing my shite after 3 days of menu E my friend. It would simply have ran through my fingers.
  4. Funny. I have the opposite problem. Allow me to regale you with an epic saga from yesteryear.

    As part of my resettlement from the mob I did a Domestic Energy Assessor's course, which basically meant I was qualified to make Home Information Packs. The job was great for a few months and I made a nice wedge but it soon fizzled out due to the property market crash.

    Anyway, one particular day (I believe it was a Tuesday) I turned up to a job in a large mansion that was being renovated. The owner, a Milf in her late 40s, let me in and then left me to it while she went to collect her sprogs from school.

    Now I had been feeling a bit bloated all day since I had been on a TA weekend the previous Saturday and Sunday, eating cold ratpacks. (no cooking in the OP) Anyway I could feel a monumental turd creeping up on me so I started to search around this giant house for a bog. Every one I found seemed to be disconnected from the water supply and none of them had bog roll in them.

    After checking the 5th or 6th toilet I finally found one that had some water in the bottom of the bowl. Assuming that this meant it was connected to the supply, I dropped my kecks and unleashed three days of cold ratpack stew in a fiery torrent of hell. Realising that this bog also had no paper, I began the mission of searching for some, with my kecks still wrapped around my ankles, in order to avoid creating a mess.

    Would you believe it, in a fcuking house with 12 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms, there was not a single square of arse tissue. I searched the two kitchens for some paper towel and even checked the shed and garage for an old cloth, nothing. Finally I had to resort to a shower with full on bum dhoby, scraping the shit out of my hoop with my hand. There was no soap.

    Not having a towel to dry myself afterwards, I opted for a drip dry and just got dressed again, still dripping wet. I went downstairs just as the owner and her two kids returned. She asked me why I was wet and I explained that her shower had exploded on me while I was testing it. (You don't actually check the shower during an energy survey but it seemed like a good excuse.)

    Anyway she apologised about her shower and gave me a cup of tea. I finished the survey shook her hand with my poo stained mitt and jumped in the car, heading off to my next job.

    About halfway down the road I realised that I hadn't bothered to flush the loo and she would most likely walk into her soaking wet bathroom and find a giant Cleveland Steamer nestling in the bog, sans bog roll.

    Good times.
  5. 2DD you know what they say about RN Officers and similar types - 2 cars in the drive and fcuk all in the fridge
  6. MLF did a week in the Bramshot woods on PO(M)s course back in the early 80s pissed down all week and we were living under ponchos and not allowed the delights of Sailor Jerry, bounced by the bootnecks everynight between 3 and 5 am fcuking nacked at the end didn't shit for the whole week cos of pussers shite ratpacks gave birth to a Ford Capri the day we got back to Excellent
  7. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Wondered where the fuck you had been.

    On the rations front, i had some Chunky Chilli Chicken and rice the other weekend when i was in the field and it were fookin lovely. I have no idea what menu it is though. I also nick from the Halal/Veggie rat packs as they have the best sundries pack and some of the scoff is quite nice as well.

    On the hipflask front, i prefer to take Corvousier as i like Brandy you see.

    On the kit front, i use Icebreaker for layers and Snugpak softies old chap. My Buffalo gave up the ghost years ago and Snugpak is the mutts nuts.

    On the poop front, the mess i made when that chunky chilli chicken worked it's way through my system was not nice. It was far worse than the usual post exercise dump i am used to. I now have an inkling what being fisted is like.
  8. That Sailor Jerrys is divs. I'd drink that all day every day if I could :D
  9. A mate and I had a very good session on Sailor Jerry in the Old Shades in Whitehall. We were on double Barcardi Cokes with a Sailor Jerry Chaser,

    I had the most interesting headache in the morning :oops:
  10. sounds an interesting mix, might have to give that ago. have you ever tried desperados?? they seem to give me abit of a bad head for the next couple of days. lol
  11. Isn't Desperados that nasty beer with tequila in it?

    I have lost entire days drinking that stuff. I first discovered it at the RN Ski Champs.
  12. yeah that would be the one, ive tried to avoid them now as after a couple my head feels like mush, even tho they taste so nice :mad:
  13. I think it tastes like battery acid.
  14. each to their own i guess :D . They're only a couple of quid in the bars down here so i guess thats a plus side.

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