Evening classes for Women

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Jan 17, 2013.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    WinterClasses for Women at

    By Friday, January 18th, 201

    Class 1

    Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
    Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 2

    Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
    Round Table Discussion.

    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3

    Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 4

    Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5

    Curling Tongs--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
    Examples on Video.

    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
    At 7:00 PM

    Class 6

    How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.

    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7

    Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
    Open Forum
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8

    Health Watch -They Make Medicine for PMT - and How To Use It!

    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9

    I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10

    How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
    Driving Simulations.

    4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11

    Learning to Live - How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12

    How to Shop by Yourself.

    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Upon completion of
    ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. I know 4 women who would derive great benefit from this. What is the address for postal applications?
  3. Additional classes
    Writing skills: - The process of writing a clear and concise list that anyone can follow, using visible ink
    4 weeks, Saturdays for 2 hrs beginning at 10:00 PM, additional time is available if required

    Planning process: - Achieve the ability to plan 50 jobs one at a time allowing, enough time and resource to complete in a logical order, thus understanding starting all 50 at once only achieves disorder, mess & stress.
    4 weeks, Sundays for 2 hrs beginning at 10:00 PM, , additional time is available if required.

    Simple car Maintenance: - Achieve how to take the car to the garage and fill up with fuel, how to check oil, water, tire pressure, simple tasks so that they can understand when the car not worky it is their car so fix it, and not bleat about it for days.
    4 weeks intense course, Saturdays and Sundays for 4 hrs beginning at 12:00 PM, , additional time is available if required.
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Its class 12 that worries me, I think I would like to be there so I have a little say on what gets bought.

    Some of the women in our family have an ability to spend money quicker than the men can earn it
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2013
  5. Class 10 ,11 yep
  6. I think there should be a novice special needs standard class for "Information Lamp Recognition and Actions" lessons.
    Basic lesson would cover recognising the little coloured warning symbols on the dashboard and telling hubby, so that when hubby drives the car for the first time in months, he doesn't have to top up the oil, top up the screen wash, replace a blown brake bulb, book a service and inflate the cocking tyres. The advanced course would teach her to sort the bastards out herself.
    • Like Like x 2
  7. If you must cut and paste form american sites please translate into English before posting.
  8. Indeed, very tyresome.
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Not cut or pasted from anywhere all from my own head, if the England as spoke is not the same when wrote that will be because I am Dyslexic and not American, so do you generally mock the disabled?

    New women’s course
    How to live life without bitching or being perfect, the course will teach you how to chill out and relax and let life’s non important things pass you by such as

    1. Toilet seat up or down
    2. Curtains pulled back so you can see out of window or tied back nice and neat
    3. Untidy shoes in the hall will be moved when next worn
    4. Spilt tea of coffee will eventually be cleaned
  10. New class on
    The Man Rules No time has been set for this as we do not think anyone will pass

    We always hear
    "the rules"
    From the female side....
    Now here are the rules from the male side. More can be added if any important ones have been missed

    These are our rules!
    Please note. These are all numbered "1”
    (we have been told only women multi task)
    1. Men are NOT mind readers.
    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sports on TV, it’s like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your mother, sister or girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us. (we will tell the truth)

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. (we are not lost)

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Orange is a fruit and an exception. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football, motor sports
    or Rugby.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

    but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping, and we do not have to listen to you snoring (yes you do)
    • Like Like x 1
  11. What's the difference? You'll be telling me next that Obamah is black!
  12. He appears to be on my
    black and white telly, but as it's not in
    colour that may be false
  13. A typo or cruel irony?
  14. Ah, bless. :safe:...........Has it ever occurred to any of you how 'little things' (like Christmas:toothy4:) are attended to ......magically overnight ? :D

    It's because we're thinking 10 steps ahead of you lot about the million and one things that keep it aaaallllllllll ticking over (often while you're poncing around the globe getting a suntan), that you live under the illusion things are 'not worth stressing over'.

    They're not, because you don't have to do anything about them. :clap:
  15. Christmas???? is that the day we get the big dinner during the 2 weeks of pissing up in winter?
    • Like Like x 1
  16. That's because we don't give a shit about it, especially once the kids have grown out of Scaletrix and the the other gucci toys they get given so we have nothing to play with when pissed.
  17. Me and the boy got a Scalextrix Digital for Xmas...it's the dogs bollocks, it's got a jump, lane changers, it's brills!
    It was quite expensive, but we save the family benefit money, or whatever it's called...£134 a month, and spend it on toys and holidays ....cheers easies !!!!
  18. That is not necessarily true I know my wife will start wasting money (buying Christmas presents) this month under the pretence it’s a bargain as its half price? What she and 99.999% of women cannot fathom is that if they did not buy the bargain that the recipient did not want or need then they would have saved 100% of what they spent.
    New course for women, but they will never get this.
    How to shop for bargains which are actually bargains as you need them.
    This course will teach you to write a list, and stick to it, when you see a fantastic bargain, you will be taught to check your list, if it is on the list it’s a bargain, if it’s not on the list you do not need it, simple really.
    It will also teach you to be truthful and not after lie, when we say is that a new top, dress skirt etc. you will no longer have to say what this old thing, it’s been in the wardrobe for years? We are not blind (unless you actually are?) and we know you are lying, we for peace and quiet say nothing? It will also stop you having clothes you brought as a bargain but never really liked and so hid for years with their sale tags still on.:sleepy:
  19. Missed that, must be that American words again?:happy8:
  20. Ah! Brings to mind an old truism - "A man will spend £2 on a £1 thing that he needs, where a woman will spend £1 on a £2 thing she doesn't"!

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