Came off watch after the Middle to find a baby stoker lying on the deck of the Wardroom Flat "recharging" the florescent (sp?) emergency exit arrows with a torch. :lol:


Lantern Swinger
When I did my work experience in a motorcycle repair shop I was asked to pop next door to the exhaust center for a Long Weight and 3 sky hooks.
The guy at the exhaust center told me to wait ther he would be back in a bit.

I stood there for 30 minutes then got pissed off and went back saying that they didnt have any.

It took me 3-4 years to realise that i hade been on a wind up. The people in the bike shop must have thought I was thick as shit.


War Hero
Book Reviewer
mooching around 2 Deck, came across JMEM filling sinks in JRs Bathroom.

"Chief Stoker told me we were doing a Basin Trial this forenoon.."


Lantern Swinger
Best one I saw was played out over a week on a T42

A new OM was trained up as a Balloon Controller for 909 tracking

He was given a remote controller (from an old remote controlled car), stationed on the upper deck and told to make the balloon go up/down/right or left by directions from the Ops Room

Much hilarity - especially when it was announced that the batteries in his controller were flat and he went to the NAAFI to buy new ones

He had a task book to complete, special protective equipment (because balloons are really dodgy right?) - use your imagination, and the bite completed with presentation to the Captain as a fully qualified Balloon Controller

Like all the best bites the entire ship was in on it and keen to get updates on his progress


War Hero
Baby chef fresh out of training, killick chef to baby put a fork in the sausages yes you’ve guessed it every sausage had a fork in it, took place in Faslane I think.
RNAS Lossiemouth,chef sez to chef,put half of apples in pos mess and half in chiefs mess,yep you guessed it ,all apples cut in half.


Lantern Swinger
"Right, breakfast for 70, only half will eat it, and half of those (call it 18 ) will have a boiled egg.......... so, 18 eggs, 5 mins each, put them all in for 90 mins" (Yeah, reeks of dits. Good though)


On Invincible's Daily Orders a few years ago, a baby OM was congratulated on being able to hear the traffic in the channel tunnel by listening to a stethascope through the bottom of the hull :D

My favorite bite, which works surprisingly often is money changing in Rosyth & Gib, even had a CPOMA on that one!