"D'you hear there - Leave!"

I'm off on a 5* jolly for a week. Unfortunately I've got to take the family with me
so I guess I'll have to be civilised and not get too wankered on the All Inclusive
alcohol. Feel free to burgle my drum - there's shag all worth taking to *******
Cash Converters anyway and I could do with a good Insurance claim as it happens.

So cheerio folks (later today). I shall report back in, should there be any dits of
mayhem/chaos/hilarity worthy of posting (along with covert surveillance photos
of any minge seen hanging around the pools).

Manchester Airport - here I come!

Royal Dragon Hotel - Antalya Hotels and Resorts, hotels in Antalya Turkey. Selected Antalya Hotels
300 mile jaunt to Manchester at daft'o'clock on Sunday morning.
1 x irate wife in front passenger seat, (acting as standby Satnav)
2 x irritating teenage grand-bastards in the back seats,playing death-thrash music for 5 hours
4 x overstuffed ******* suitcases.
1 x driver who's been awake since 05:30 this morning.

Methinks it's going to be i-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g.

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Watch out for the Russians, if there are any at your hotel, they are like bloody locusts.

Have a Turkish bath and a rub down with stones/oily rag in Side. Mmm nice.

Have a good one.
We're flying in *British Shite Hooligan-Holidaymaker Class* this time. Get seats and everything.
Airline meal is a packet of Monster Munch and a tin of Red Bull (which will be warmed up for
babies under the age of three months). The in-flight film is *Nine Songs* which should go
down a treat, and I've had to pack me own liferaft.
I'm quite looking forward to being locked inside a pressurised tube with a load of sweating,
tracky-bottom wearing scrote-bags for the best part of five hours.

Don't know what the other passengers will be wearing though - but I promise that I'll
not take my shoes off during the flight, or all them oxygen masks will drop.

* * * * * *
If you see any matelots on the plane FFS don't shout out "hi jack", that can end in a Midnight Express type holiday.

And take lots of phots, according to a commissioning book I've got I went to Antalya in my skimmer days, it was that good a run I don't even remember it!!
Greetings from Turkey. It's a bit warm and I'm off to dangle off a parachute for
a laugh. Ultra All Inclusive means what it sez on the tin. I've been caning it for
the last 24 hours so now it's time to ease off a bit.

This hotel complex is suitably awsome.....so I intend to get me moneys worth.

I hope it's pissing down where you are!


I wanna go back.......NOW!!!

09:42 GMT
Back in Blighty. Long sodding drive from Manchester. Shagged out beyond belief.
Suitcases full of sand. Wife lost her mobile. I went in doghouse for 24 hours.
(That's mandatory on holiday). Darned hot! Had a fandabbydozie time. Survived
the Parachute on the end of the speed boat so tough!

Night Night.

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