Those boards on S/R mess doors with little sliders telling you who is in/out, that was the only thing lacking from the door to 2 crocadilpigs house in Southsea that me and a couple of oppo's tangled with. Me, A and T were on our usual route, Parade, Apsley House, Palmerston, Timber Tavern and as the season had just begun we had a look in the Gaiety Bar on S.Parade Pier. T spots a bloke with 2 birds and steams in on the one thats vacant, the other is engaged to the bloke she is with who is a perc corp' attached to an LCT. Me and A decide to get shiters and leave T to his business. Next day T reports a good shag and as he is duty A has a turn, he agrees it is a fair shag so it is my turn, I walk into Gaiety Bar, they are alone, perc is duty and before I can grab the vacant bit perc's pash is grabbing my nuts and bolts so off I trot with her. Just my luck she is as slack as a Yack ( if you have never seen a Yack's gash it is about 8'' long, have a skeg next time you visit the zoo.) and needs a bucket of sand for grip. I seem to be on the job ages till eventually an image of Ann-Margaret pops into my head and I can unload, I roll off and she sez '' I fink you're smashin '', fame at last. My chance with the other bit has gone as she has her claws in some dabber off the Antrim. Having dumped the Yack I am just exiting Unicorn gate one night as perc is entering, he is duty so the Yack will be on the prowl , I avoid the usual haunts but like a bloodhound she tracks me down in the Osbourne. I get shiters so I will not have to fcuk it but she gives me a necklace of lovebites while I am sparko. I go weekend and meet the future Mrs Stirling so the vampires necklace did not put her off. I am not the only one on this site that has been munter hunting in Southsea so swing the lamp and give us the dits.