Duty watch

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stirling2, Jul 17, 2009.

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  1. Those boards on S/R mess doors with little sliders telling you who is in/out, that was the only thing lacking from the door to 2 crocadilpigs house in Southsea that me and a couple of oppo's tangled with.

    Me, A and T were on our usual route, Parade, Apsley House, Palmerston, Timber Tavern and as the season had just begun we had a look in the Gaiety Bar on S.Parade Pier. T spots a bloke with 2 birds and steams in on the one thats vacant, the other is engaged to the bloke she is with who is a perc corp' attached to an LCT. Me and A decide to get shiters and leave T to his business. Next day T reports a good shag and as he is duty A has a turn, he agrees it is a fair shag so it is my turn, I walk into Gaiety Bar, they are alone, perc is duty and before I can grab the vacant bit perc's pash is grabbing my nuts and bolts so off I trot with her.

    Just my luck she is as slack as a Yack ( if you have never seen a Yack's gash it is about 8'' long, have a skeg next time you visit the zoo.) and needs a bucket of sand for grip. I seem to be on the job ages till eventually an image of Ann-Margaret pops into my head and I can unload, I roll off and she sez '' I fink you're smashin '', fame at last.

    My chance with the other bit has gone as she has her claws in some dabber off the Antrim. Having dumped the Yack I am just exiting Unicorn gate one night as perc is entering, he is duty so the Yack will be on the prowl , I avoid the usual haunts but like a bloodhound she tracks me down in the Osbourne.
    I get shiters so I will not have to fcuk it but she gives me a necklace of lovebites while I am sparko. I go weekend and meet the future Mrs Stirling so the vampires necklace did not put her off.


    I am not the only one on this site that has been munter hunting in Southsea so swing the lamp and give us the dits.
     
  2. Three of us in the Fes bar, via the Rose of England and the Ship Lep, so well oiled by the time we reach the Gaiety.
    Just by chance there is a troop of three unattached "tourists" so we home in like sea slugs. We pair off and are all well on the way to legoverland, when in comes a freak I know off the Norfolk and fcuks it all up with his mouth for one of my oppo's by asking about his wife. Its all for one ,..one for all with these birds ,.so things ain't looking great, when someone for what ever reason suggests a trip over the pier to Billy Manning's.
    Mine starts noshing me on the wild mouse and we starts a doggy shag.
    Just as the cocoa comes the ride stops, finished. I get caught with the flaps open and the operator starts getting big with me. I gave him a slap, his mate gave me an even better one and I ends up all night in.




    Recess. :cry: :cry:
     
  3. 22 Embankment Road Plymouth, an imposing Georgian building, which divided into flats was the annex to the Naval Nurses Quarters RNH Plymouth..and to some LMA's who could afford the peppercorn rent. It was in short a knocking shop of monumental proportions. All that was lacking was a Madam.
    You need only to have mentioned Embankment Road to any taxi driver and he would drop you off outside the door without even asking for the number.
    The memories of stockings and susps, the frantic race to the waiting line of taxis as jack and jenny alike were racing to get back aboard before leave expired. :D Can't be too explicit married one of them
     
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  5. I havnt got time now but i will enlighten you all later about the time i donked the split who worked behind the food counter at the home club, :lol:
     
  6. Most unusual places. Upstairs on a double decker bus in Newcastle with a clippie. Got my lanyard tangled in her ticket machine those bell bottoms with the flaps and buttons were a right to do. And to top it all the outdoor lido in Plymouth thank god the water was warm(ish) :oops: :oops:
     
  7. I shudder to remember, but all I say is "Big Lynne" from behind the bar at the Whaley Club, HMS Excellent in 1983. Not once, but a few times......WTF was I thinking?
     
  8. Oh well better latent than never eh!!! :D :lol:
     
  9. I remember that when I did it on the wild mouse, every time it stopped suddenly on right angle bends, you gained G- force thrust and it brought a whole new meaning to a wet split. 8O :wink: 8)

    After thought,
    As you came to the T junction from Vicky and commercial road, if you turned left towards Susannah's, over on the left was a shop front with one of them free standing window things in the doorway.
    I was having a smally porsh behind that once and as I'm on the vinegar strokes a fcukin dog bit my leg.
    I screamed and kicked the tw*t and plod comes shooting in and catches us. He grinned and walked away, must have been an ex matelot, and when I finished and came out he just said be careful in future.
    I said why did the dog go there a lot. :wink: :wink:
     
  10. Funniest one I heard was from a Reggy. Just beside HMS Drakes main gate is another gate which is an embankment for the trains. It has huge green railings on both sides.
    He said that the patrol was called there one night after a woman in a wheelchair was reported as crying by the gate staff.
    She stated that she had just had a romantic encounter with a sailor and was upset. He asked her if she could describe him. She was reported to have said Not really but he must have been a Pompey rating..'Cos them Guzz bastards just leave me hanging from the railings! :D
     
  11. Did the biz with a gronk on Southsea beach after Spanners had kicked out. As I stood up and zipped up a crowd of jack eating their death burgers, sitting on the wall (who I never noticed) gave me a round of applause. She legged it in case, as she put it, "some of them cnuts might fcuking recognise me an' I'll be in the sh1t" as she was engaged to a WAFU. Double result :lol:
     
  12. Similar, but not me.
    In Terror a WRAF from the Com's center and my oppo. She keeps flirting with all and sundry so he decides to give her the elbow.
    So we all take up positions and he brings her along and gets her up on the playing fields out side the Armada club.
    He gets down to the deed and is banging her up the wrong en on all fours,
    she in stockings suspenders etc, then he starts coughing.
    That's the signal, up stand about 30/40 matelots out the drainage ditch, on come the flood lights and the crowd on both field and Armada club veranda all start clapping.
    Jobs a good un :oops: 8O :D
     
  13. After thought,
    As you came to the T junction from Vicky and commercial road, if you turned left towards Susannah's, over on the left was a shop front with one of them free standing window things in the doorway.
    I was having a smally porsh behind that once and as I'm on the vinegar strokes a fcukin dog bit my leg.
    I screamed and kicked the tw*t and plod comes shooting in and catches us. He grinned and walked away, must have been an ex matelot, and when I finished and came out he just said be careful in future.
    I said why did the dog go there a lot.


    How the ferkin hell can you remember all the pubs names and street names rumrat, :lol: ,i cant even remember any of the pub names except the home club and aggies :?
     
  14. I spent more time in the pubs than the ferkin ships and I always remembered which one I was serving in (ship not pub)

    Ah homes sweet homes, mind you once I did put down the Rose of England and the Fes bar as drafting preferences and got sh*te from the joss man. :oops: :cry:
     
  15. Remember we were on the Dev on our way to the Far east when they changed over to decimalisation,got back after nine months and ferkin hell what a balls up at first with the money,do you remember that,
     
  16. Is that you dad?
     
  17. Oh my god there you are me little wank tank,ive found you at last,come to daddy :lol: ( not literally) :?
     
  18. Mother wants to know where all the child care money went to. :lol:
     
  19. :D
     
  20. well,there was this one time in Guzz.......................
     

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