Dumb quotes of the day

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by wet_blobby, Feb 8, 2008.

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  1. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Everyday we hear something that is just plain stupid, so I thought I'd start a thread about dumb quotes. The quote that has tickled me the most over the last few days is this one.

    Headline: Headless corpse found in London.

    Police quote: "We are treating this as a suspicious death"

    No sh1t Sherlock.. :thumright:
  2. At work, a pikey woman whilst looking at the Batteries:

    "Can I have a pack of Durex Batteries please."

    For the sake of humanity I hope she was using Durex, she should not have kids!
  3. Newly joined punter in Library yesterday..."Can I take the books home?" Me......????.
  4. "One loses track of figures when one is engaged in this type of job. One gets a bit carried away".
    Rogue trader Jerome Kerviel, speaking for the first time about losing his bank £3.7 BILLION. Love to see his school report - probably reads "Good with figures".......
  5. The one about the headless corpse was on the radio this morning.
    It seems Westminster coroners have been unable to establish a cause of death.
  6. The machines at work the loading shovels tyres costing over seventeen grand a piece. It was decided to park the Cat992 up for a while.

    Gordon the foreman "Since we have stopped using the Cat the tyres are lasting a lot longer!!!!!!! I would love to know who wrote his script!!

  7. Fox pundit on "Super Tuesday" results;
    "People usually vote for the candidate they like and want to vote for...."
  8. *Marry Prince William? I would love that. After all, who wouldn't want to be a princess?" - Britney Spears
    * "At the finish, it was all over" - Jim Watt
    * "These American horses know the fences like the back of their hands" - Harvey Smith
    *"It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks" - Colin Baker, ITV
    *"Did you write the words, or the lyrics?" - Bruce Forsyth
    * "We made too many wrong mistakes. " - Yogi Berra
    *"Why do you think marriage is a bum deal, for you as a gay person?" - Ann Leslie
    *"It's a one-to-one dialogue. You open your mouth and you're talking to 6 million people." - Derek Jameson
    *"Richard Burton had a tremendous passion for the English language, especially the spoken and written word" - Frank Bough
    *"There's a lot of good older players around, but very few." - David Carr
    * "If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." - Dick Cavett
    *"Most of the living legends I've been researching go back over centuries" - Andrew Jones
    *"I've been up and down so many times that I feel as if I'm in a revolving door." - Cher
    *"And he nipped them in the bud, right at the end" - Bob Holness
    *"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours" - Yogi Berra
    *"I wonder if we can speak through rose-tinted spectacles" - Nick Ross
    *"So Carol, you're a housewife and mother. And have you got any children?" - Michael Barrymore
    *"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. & And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl." - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
    *"I've got 10 pairs of training shoes - one for every day of the week" - Sam Fox
    *"The Rolling Stones suffered a great loss with the death of Ian Stewart, the man who had for so many years played piano quietly and silently with them on stage." -Andy Peebles
    *"If you put it on the table as a bargaining chip, it becomes a bargaining chip" - Ronald Reagan
    *"My second hit was a flop." - Shakin' Stevens
    *"My shoes are size 2 and a 1/2, the same size as my feet" - Elaine Page
    *" This is a great day for France!" --Said while attending Charles De Gaulle's Funeral.- Richard Nixon
    *"A week is a long time in politics, and three weeks is twice as long." - Rosie Barnes
    *"If you could live forever, would you want to, and why?" answer, "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." - Miss Alabama 1994
    *"If I didn't have some kind of education, I wouldn't be able to count my money!" - Missy Elliott, on the value of a diploma.

    Nicked from the Net! :thumright:
  9. [​IMG]

    Not actually a spoken quote,but this one is dumb anyway.
  10. Geoff Boycott, Radio 4 "Today" programme on the subject of the Aussie habit of sledging their opponents.

    A wise Umpire always turns a blind ear to it.
  11. "I didn't realise Freddie Mercury was gay" - Brian May of Queen. FFS, what a pillock !!
  12. The batsman Holding ,the bowlers Willey. Cricket quote many years ago.
  13. During a snooker match some years ago...

    "For those of you watching in black and white, the pink is behind the brown"
  14. Ok admit it!!!

    Who has never gone to a ice cream van and asked for a 69 funny when a man is serving it never enters the head. Must be a built in gene I reckon.
  15. Maybe she was buying one of these for her hubby?
  16. "What the fcuk was that?!" - The Mayor of Hiroshima
  17. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    " I dreamt about a bomb on this oil rig last night....."

    ....close on a million pounds worth of rescue operation later...... :roll:
  18. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    "We need to introduce Sharia Law to the UK..." :oops:
  19. As a lad, goes to the Post Office cum sweet shop with my cousine. Cousine said "how much are your penny chews?" What a star.
  20. I have a feeling I am going to appear on this some day :|

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