Drunken Excuses

Bob and Mick, were getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Mick threw up all over himself.

"Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"

Bob said, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a fiver in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you five quid for the cleaning bill."

So they hung around for another couple of hours and got even drunker.

Eventually Mick stumbled home where his wife started to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Mick said, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha yew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other bloke got ssick on me...he had one too many! And he juss koudin hold hizz drink. He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me a fiver for the cleaning bill!"

His wife looked in the breast pocket and said, "But this is ten pounds."

"Oh, yeah.. I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

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