Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Drunken Excuses

Bob and Mick, were getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Mick threw up all over himself.

"Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!"

Bob said, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a fiver in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you five quid for the cleaning bill."

So they hung around for another couple of hours and got even drunker.

Eventually Mick stumbled home where his wife started to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Mick said, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha yew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other bloke got ssick on me...he had one too many! And he juss koudin hold hizz drink. He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me a fiver for the cleaning bill!"

His wife looked in the breast pocket and said, "But this is ten pounds."


"Oh, yeah.. I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
Ageing_Gracefully What do you do with the drunken sailor? Diamond Lil's 49
MoD_RSS Drunken tube pusher sees sentence increased MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: Man has prison time increased after drunken assault MoD News 0
SONAR-BENDER What shall we do with the drunken sailor? Pay a million. Diamond Lil's 66
S What became of the drunken sailor? History 20
soleil Australian: "RAN Sick Of Tony Abbott's Use Of Phrase 'Drunken Sailors'" International 0
soleil BBC: "Submariners Punished For Drunken Misconduct" Submariners 22
R Drunken Moose in Tree The Gash Barge 1
B Your best drunken incidents. Diamond Lil's 10
S Drunken Sailor Diamond Lil's 4
N "What shall we do with a drunken Sailor" Censor him Current Affairs 28
slim DRUNKEN BOY COLLAPSED IN ATTEMPTED GETAWAY Diamond Lil's 3
PartTimePongo Drunken bid to 'bomb' warship Current Affairs 9
MoD_RSS Chickens and man flu top tax evaders’ excuses MoD News 0
MoD_RSS HMRC highlights a decade of bizarre excuses and expense claims MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: Self Assessment returns: unbelievable excuses and dubious expenses MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: Self Assessment returns: unbelievable excuses and dubious expenses MoD News 0
MaiBelle Excuses, Excuses...and Consequences Diamond Lil's 12
Rumrat Excuses Diamond Lil's 0
trelawney126 Refusal of FOI. Some excuses here History 1
Sparrowhawk01 Best Excuses For Time Off Diamond Lil's 12
rod-gearing Excuses for not having sex Diamond Lil's 59
scouse excuses used to get out of the Rattle The Quarterdeck 11
skyvet Best excuses at the table?? The Quarterdeck 18
N Some excuses required RMR 7
PartTimePongo No more excuses now ... Current Affairs 4
Top