What a load of cock. I was driving along the Embankment about 3 weeks ago and some dick on a moped decided to smash off my mirror while I was sat stationary in traffic, unfortunately for him my car mirror is clearly of the same breeding as my cat, which is nails. Anyway the mirror bent back but miraculously survived unscathed and Mr moped got away with a verbal warning. No major dramas here. Fast forward one week and I'm driving over Camden Lock when some daft bint decides she would rather be in my lane than her's, unfortunately she couldn't see over the steering wheel of her giant 4x4 and just thought she'd drive into the side of me. Luckily it was her tyre that hit my wing and wheel (which is kerbed to fcuk anyway). My wheel took a bit of a bashing and the wing had some nasty rubber marks from her tyre which polished out with a little teecut. I pull over to swap details etc. but the daft bint just fcuked off around the one way system without even noticing. Cnut. I decide not to chase her and unleash violence as the damage is minor and I want to get home and fcuk the wife. Fast forward another 3 days and I'm at work. One of my employees comes into the office looking rather sheepish, you've guessed it, he decided to reverse his car into mine in the car park. This time there is damage and 400 of his quids, later I have a nice new bumper on the car, but had to suffer the indignity of travelling on public transport with the peasants for 3 days. So I pick the car up on Saturday all sparkly and shiny and good as new. On my way home from work last night, a Brummie gentleman in his Jag decides that looking in your mirror before pulling out of a parking space just wasn't for him. Once again I am stood in the middle of the road looking at a pile of broken glass, and twisted metal. Luckily he was cool about it and admitted all responsibility, turns out he is also the Managing Director of a well known car insurance company and luxury car leasing firm. He is going to speed up all the paperwork and sort me out with a gucci courtesy car. I suppose if you are going to get crashed into, it might as well be by him. But for fcuk me man, driving in London is shite. Time to bring the old Yamaha 125 out of storage I think. I wonder if plod would be cool with me riding around with a pair of shotguns slung over my shoulder? Oh and anyone wanna buy an Alfa Brera? It's the Prodrive one so it actually goes quite well and goes round corners too. It's slightly modified from new but I think the added bumps, dents and scratches add character.