Driving in London.

Discussion in 'Motoring' started by 2_deck_dash, Jul 20, 2010.

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  1. What a load of cock.

    I was driving along the Embankment about 3 weeks ago and some dick on a moped decided to smash off my mirror while I was sat stationary in traffic, unfortunately for him my car mirror is clearly of the same breeding as my cat, which is nails. Anyway the mirror bent back but miraculously survived unscathed and Mr moped got away with a verbal warning. No major dramas here.

    Fast forward one week and I'm driving over Camden Lock when some daft bint decides she would rather be in my lane than her's, unfortunately she couldn't see over the steering wheel of her giant 4x4 and just thought she'd drive into the side of me. Luckily it was her tyre that hit my wing and wheel (which is kerbed to fcuk anyway). My wheel took a bit of a bashing and the wing had some nasty rubber marks from her tyre which polished out with a little teecut. I pull over to swap details etc. but the daft bint just fcuked off around the one way system without even noticing. Cnut. I decide not to chase her and unleash violence as the damage is minor and I want to get home and fcuk the wife.

    Fast forward another 3 days and I'm at work. One of my employees comes into the office looking rather sheepish, you've guessed it, he decided to reverse his car into mine in the car park. This time there is damage and 400 of his quids, later I have a nice new bumper on the car, but had to suffer the indignity of travelling on public transport with the peasants for 3 days.

    So I pick the car up on Saturday all sparkly and shiny and good as new. On my way home from work last night, a Brummie gentleman in his Jag decides that looking in your mirror before pulling out of a parking space just wasn't for him. Once again I am stood in the middle of the road looking at a pile of broken glass, and twisted metal. Luckily he was cool about it and admitted all responsibility, turns out he is also the Managing Director of a well known car insurance company and luxury car leasing firm. He is going to speed up all the paperwork and sort me out with a gucci courtesy car. I suppose if you are going to get crashed into, it might as well be by him.

    But for fcuk me man, driving in London is shite. Time to bring the old Yamaha 125 out of storage I think. I wonder if plod would be cool with me riding around with a pair of shotguns slung over my shoulder?

    Oh and anyone wanna buy an Alfa Brera? It's the Prodrive one so it actually goes quite well and goes round corners too. It's slightly modified from new but I think the added bumps, dents and scratches add character.
  2. Nothing in comparison but ....

    Buses have bent back my wing mirrors and made one fall off.

    Try the nightmare which is Hyde Park Corner/Park Lane.

    Looks and feels like the start of a Formula One race ........

    Oh and the courier bikes ....... terrifying ...........
  3. My theory on Hyde Park Corner and Park Lane is just to floor it, leave all the shite behind you.

    When they where toying with the idea of having a London Grand Prix, David Coulthard famously said:

    ''You want my views on a London GP? I think it will brilliant, imagine how fun it is driving round Hyde Park Corner at rush hour, now imagine doing it at 120mph and that's what it'll be like.''
  4. I used to have a pathological dread of driving in London until I took my rather old and very shabby motorhome that I owned at the time , on a jaunt to Lambeth.When you can see over the top of the fcukin black cab next to you and you really dont give a flying fid if you pick up a few more dings it totaly changes the experience.
    If I had to do it on a regular basis it would have to be in an old Land Rover.
    Let the black cabs argue with me then :twisted:
  5. Gippo.
  6. Not me sir.Its just much less conspicuous than a transit and after you finished playing with whatever little backpacker you have picked up you can put the kettle on and have a nice cuppa while you watch the playback on the telly. :evil:
  7. I take it you don't drive a diesel, then.
  8. Why? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuXcIDTss7U
  9. The sufern Henry's bleed just as quickly as anywhere else, you just have to avoid hitting them in the mouth, your vehicle is apt to disappear.
    I have made many of them nervous whilst running a thirty two toner through the west end en route to Wireless and cable in Shaftesbury avenue.
    They never liked my coach either except the Mafia enrolled traffic wardens who extort £10.00 per coach into their own pockets for allowing you to park on red routes along the embankment, or at the eye.
  10. Had to take my wifes family up from Pompey to London for a sisters wedding,
    Frightened the crap out of me! when I worked in the smoke for a long time I never had a car or needed one.
    Got lost a dozen times,nobody would give way with my new car at risk. I stopped in a place where I was the only Englishman and I swear most did a runner before I could ask a question.
    Never again.Just for the record I was heading to Winchmore Hill.
    Just made the wedding with 15 mins to spare.
    Wifes mother a bag of nerves.Not for me.
  11. Made I laugh thinking of getting directions in smoke.
    I was delivering a load of central heating to the half way house at Wandsworth, and stopped to ask directions (before sat nav) and was told no one knew. I climbed back in the wagon, drove about half a mile and there on my left,...the prison. And they think the northerners are thick?
  12. v8topcat. Having a "special place" is so important. Ignore those who try to take it from you.
  13. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Best advice that I was given for driving in London was if its aft of your wing mirrors ignore it and let them take avoiding action as necessary
  14. Thats what the old hands told me when I started driving there. :thumbup:
  15. Top advice that, it's basically how I do everything in life.

    Never look back.
  16. Thank you .I'm glad someone understands :)
  17. Lets hope the judge will :D 8O
  18. Double post.
  19. This is you isn't it V8:

  20. No fraid not.
    1.I never go out unshaven
    2.wouldn't drink Fosters if it was the last beer on earth.(well maybe if it was the last one).
    3.England shirt.I don't think so.

    The chap on the right does look vaguely familiar though. 8O :D

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