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Dont Buy Your Wife A Taser!!!!!!!!!!!


War Hero
Last weekend I saw somthing my Wife might like..What i found was a 100,000 vault Taser, purse sized.

So long story short I bought it for her.....loaded it with
two batteries and pushed the button.... nothing
However I did learn that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal object, I'd get a blue arch of electricity....Unfortunatly now I will have to explain the burn marks on her microwave.

So Im home alone, with this new toy thinking to myself that it could not be all that bad with two tiny batteries.........There I sat in my chair with our cat looking at me...I must admit to thinking about zapping the cat but thought better of it she is after all a sweet cat.

Since I was giving this to my Wife I wanted to prove that it worked......Is that so wrong?

So there I sat ...the directions said
a 1 second burst would shock and disinorintate
a 2 second burst would cause muslce spasm and the body to lose all control, any bust longer than 3 seconds was a waist of the batteries

I decided to give my self a 1 second burst just for the heck of it, as there was no way this little thing could realy hurt me........

I touched the prongs to my arm and pushed the button........ HOLY MOTHER OF ...........*&&%$
What happened next.....Im fairly sure that some one ran into my front room picked me up and body slamed me into the floor over and over again.....I vaguely remember waking up on my side on the floor with tears in my eyes,my body soaking with sweat and my arm tucked under my body in the oddest position and a tingling in my legs....

If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser remember that there is no such thing as a 1 second burst,, you will not let go of the thing untill it is disloged from your hand by the violent thrashing of your body

SON OF A ........*&% that hurt

A while later I collected what was left of my wits ,sat up and surveyed the room.My bent glasess were on the mantlepiece. My arms , legs , and nipples were still twitching my face felt like it had been shot with Novocain and my lips weighed about 88lbs...

I am still how ever still looking for my testicles and offering a reward for their safe return...............................

Not by me,,sent to me by A None A Mouse...........


Lantern Swinger
hahaha i would do that.. while in baton training in SPO i thought that it cant be as bad as when i used to skate so i hit my knee with it and went down and realised it was ten times worse. hahah
Just think of the fun you could have with one of those with someone in front of you swearing to God that they have/haven't done something, then suddenly...zap... :twisted: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Perhaps Jeremy Paxman should test it out on an interviewee during Newsnight? :twisted:
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