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Doctor Selection 3

The_Caretaker

War Hero
While I was in teh doctor's waiting room there was this tiny man only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.

'Doctor, doctor! Can you help me? My tongue keeps sticking out.'
'That's good. Now, if you can just lick these stamps...'

When the young man was being examined by the doctor he was asked: 'Does it burn when you pee in the toilet?'
'I don't know,' replieed the young man, 'I don't think I'd dare hold a match to it.'

'Doctor, doctor! I feel like a piano.'
'Then I'd better take some notes.'

I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down.
'Why do you feel that?' he asked.
'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tyre marks on my legs.'

Patient: 'Doctor, every time I eat fruit I get this strange urge to give people all my money.'
Doctor: 'Would you like an apple or a banana?'

When the doctor came to visit my aunt Claudette my aunt said: 'Doctor, I hope you're going to tell me that I'm very ill.'
The doctor looked at my aunt said: 'But why? Don't you want me to say you're very healthy?'
'No,' replied aunt Claudette. 'I feel absolutely terrible. And I don't want to feel like this if I'm healthy. But I'm sure you can make me better.'
--------------------

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

- submitted by Jokes4U.

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

- submitted by Jokes4U.

Q: Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill coubord quietly?
A: So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills!!!!
 
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