Doctor Doctor

The_Caretaker

War Hero
Q: Why did the nurse have a long pole and two rubber gloves?
A: Her way of not getting pregnant.
Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
A: If you aim it well enough.

Receptionist: 'Dr. Wynazonski is waiting for you.'
Patient: 'Which doctor?'
Receptionist: 'Oh, no, he's fully qualified.'

Student doctor: 'Please sir, there's some writing on this patient's foot.'
Famous surgeon: 'Ah, yes! That's a footnote.'

Patient: 'Doctor, how can I live to be a hundred?'
Doctor: 'Well, I suggest you give up eating rich food and going out with women.'
Patient: 'And then will I live to be a hundred?'
Doctor: 'No - but it will seem like it.'

Patient: 'Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Have you got anything to keep it in?'
Doctor: 'What about a cardboard box?'

Patient: 'Doctor, have you got anything for my liver?'
Doctor: 'What about some onions?'

Patient: 'Doctor, sorry to trouble you again, but what can you give me for flat feet?'
Doctor: 'What about a bicycle pump?'

Receptionist: 'The doctor is so funny he'll soon have you in stitches.'
Patient: 'I hope not - I only came in for a check up.'

Worried woman: 'Doctor, I think I'm pregnant.'
Doctor: 'But I gave you the Pill.'
Worried woman: 'Yes, I know. But it keeps falling out.'

'Doctor, doctor! I've swallowed a spoon.'
'Sit down and don't stir.'

'Doctor, doctor! I'm terribly worried. I keep seeing pink striped crocodiles every time I try to get to sleep.'
'Have you seen a psychiatrist?'
'No - only pink striped crocodiles.'

Patient: 'And if I take these little green pills exactly as you suggested, will I get better?'
Doctor: 'Well, let's put it this way - none of my patients has ever come back for more of those pills.'

Patient: 'I've got a terrible pain in my right arm, doctor.'
Doctor: 'Don't worry, it's just old age.'
Patient: 'But in that case, why doesn't my left arm hurt, too - I've had it just as long?'

The senior civil servant went to the doctor and complained of being unable to sleep.
Doctor: 'Oh! Don't you sleep at night?'
Civil servant: 'Yes, I sleep very well at night. And I sleep quite soundly most of the mornings, too - but I find it's very difficult to sleep in the afternoons as well.'

Patient: 'And when my right arm is quite better, will I be able to play the trumpet?'
Doctor: 'Most certainly - you should be able to play it with ease.
Patient: 'That's wonderful - I could never play it before.'
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS Reverend Canon Doctor Amanda Ford appointed Dean of Bristol: 3 June 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Eastbourne Doctor wins PM award MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Kenyan Doctor honoured by Queen Elizabeth II for her work with some of the most vulnerable in East Africa MoD News 0
A Asthma-Overseas Doctor Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 0
W Advice on Becoming a Doctor and Navy Officer - MO? UPO/Careers Office 6
J Becoming a doctor with the navy! Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 12
BillyNoMates Doctor....................Who? Diamond Lil's 3
Ageing_Gracefully 1st July Comp - Confessions of an Air Ambulance Doctor Competitions 21
fishhead Irish Doctor's Assistant Miscellaneous 0
finknottle Ex Royal Navy doctor blows the whistle Current Affairs 15
sgtpepperband USN Doctor Prescribes "Monster Energy Drink to Cure Scurvy! Health & Fitness 6
MoD_RSS UK welcomes return of inspirational doctor to eastern Democratic Republic of Congo. MoD News 0
MoD_RSS UK welcomes return of inspirational doctor to eastern Democratic Republic of Congo. MoD News 0
MoD_RSS UK welcomes return of inspirational doctor to eastern Democratic Republic of Congo. MoD News 5
soleil Sun: "Ship’s Doctor" The Fleet 0
sgtpepperband Doctor Who & The Don't Blink Cat The Internet - Best and Worst 1
B Joining as a Doctor? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 2
The_Caretaker Doctor Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Selection 3 Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Selection 3 Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Selection 2 Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Selection Nautical Jokes 0
The_Caretaker Doctor & Patient Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor & Nurses Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Doctor Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor D Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Miscellaneous 0
The_Caretaker Doctor Miscellaneous 0
S R.I.P.Doctor Current Affairs 10
Bergen Fort Hood Shootings - Quick Call A Spin-Doctor!! Current Affairs 12
N Non Surgeon / Doctor Medical officer? Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 7
slim From chip shop owner to doctor ( To RN Occifer)? Current Affairs 9
P Doctor who used to drink now fit for work Current Affairs 5
F seeing the RNR doctor Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 4
C Is There a Doctor in the Building! Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 12
D Pox doctor's clerks The Gash Barge 6
LujonSA What the doctor ordered! Current Affairs 7
W Need haelp from a marine Doctor Health & Fitness 17
sgtpepperband New Doctor Who? Diamond Lil's 9
wardmaster The Doctor's Lament Diamond Lil's 5
snapdragon Doctor in the house? Diamond Lil's 58
A Some Nutty each Day keeps the Doctor Away! Current Affairs 57
W Doctor who The Quarterdeck 14
D RAF Doctor stands Court Martial Current Affairs 11
T army vs navy for a doctor The Quarterdeck 10
Similar threads















































New Posts

Top