The doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news for you, which would you like to hear first?" The patient asks for the bad news first. "I have the results of your examination of your injuries to both your feet and we're going to have to amputate right away." "That's the bad news? what could the good news be?" "See that man in the lobby?" "Yeah," says the patient, "What about him?" The doctor looks at the patient with a grin, "He wants to buy your shoes!" ___________________________________________________ The doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news for you, which would you like to hear first?" The patient asks for the bad news first. "I have the results from your lab tests, and you only have 24 hours to live." "That's the bad news? what's the good news?" "See that gourgeous blonde nurse of min at the front desk?" says the doctor. "What about her?" asks the patient. The doctor leans over and whispers into the patient's ear "I'm screwing her." ___________________________________________________ Why is a sperm like a lawyer? They both have one chance in ten million of becoming a human being. ___________________________________________________ very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too." The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?" The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well, I'll give it a try!"