Do you hear there?

Sea training on the Ulster, I was doing a stint of Bosuns Mate , QM said he was popping down the mess to make a brew. Phone rang and it was OOD wishing to speak to QM so I piped ''QM , gangway'', I then became the most popular bloke on board for the rest of our sea training week.
QM to OOD, "Sunset Sir." OOD to QM, "Make it so." QM (after piping), shouts over tannoy, "BY KIND PERMISSION OF HER BRITANIC MAJESTY'S ROYAL NAVY, THE SUN MAY NOW SET! All up top face aft and salute!" That earned him 14 days' no. 9s. , but he reckoned that the look on OOd's face made it worth it!
Eskimo's infamous '74 Windies tour. A certain stoker (Jed Stone) pissed as a rat, comes off shore, sneaks up to the bridge, grabs the tannoy mike and gives the order, "BATTLE STATIONS, LAUNCH STINGRAY!"
"All those requiring transport to the accommodation, transport will be leaving in 5 minutes time."

6 mins latter.

"All those requiring transport to the accommodation, you've just dipped, its gone."

Art the Fart

Leave to the First Part of the Port Watch from 1610--long pause--1610 till **** knows when.
Chief and Petty Officers **** knows when 30
Do you hear there? All wrens are to muster outside the sickbay for their M. E. A. T. Injection...

Even funnier when there's then a queue of baby wrens outside the sickbay obeying the pipe.
Anyone come acrooss a 2 ringer called Lt Gash? I remember him being piped and him telling the duty QM in no uncertain terms that his name was pronounced ' Gaish' First chance he got out at sea, said QM pipes; "GAISH MAY NOW BE DITCHED!"
// Thread diversion. There used to be a Chief Sidebottom in Dolphin.
He insisted it was pronounced Sideh Bottam!

// End of diversion - carry on as you were (see what I did there, another pipe!)
Along the lines of the Phantom Giggler, can anyone confirm the dit of the joker who hijacked the pipe system in Eagle? As told to me, he caused mayhem but was never tracked down. After the final "Finished with Main Engines" there was a pause and then: "But you never caught me!"


War Hero
From the Cousins

Liberty guys to glamorise.
Credit where it's due, they do have some classics which sound good with a midwest drawl:

"Last night's cowboys, Sheriff's Office"

"Hands to cleaning stations, hands to cleaning stations. Those for'd, sweep aft. Those aft, sweep for'd. Those midships - ditch oncoming gash"
I've allegedly heard of people who served with people who heard pipes along the lines of 'Do You Hear there, Jack Blair menswear, yesterdays fashion at tomorrows prices is now on the dockside' or some such stuff like that...
I don't know where I heard it first, but I did, as a very bored 2OOD alongside in Rothera (British Antarctic Territory) make it:

"d'y'hear there, Louis Bernard and Jack Blair naval tailors, now in attendance on the jetty."

2 Senior Rates emerged on the quarterdeck (white mafia, natch).

Those long Antarctic Firsts flew by.....