He was a test tube baby. Rumor has is that his dad was real jerk off. Did you hear about the transvestite at the Christmas party? - He wanted to eat, drink, and be Mary. One guy asked his friend if he'd been getting any on the side lately. He replied; "I haven't had any in so long that I didn't even know they'd moved it!" Why do female paratroopers wear jock straps? - So they don't whistle on the way down. Why did the condom fly across the room? - It got pissed off. Pinochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about consummating their passions. "Every time we make love", she said, "I get splinters!" So he went back to his maker, Geppeto, the carpenter, to ask for help. "Sandpaper, my boy, that's what you need!" was the Geppeto's response. A couple of weeks later the Geppeto asked Pinochio, "How are you getting on with the girls now?" "Women!" said Pinochio, "Who needs women?" A young boy comes home from school and his mother says "What did you do today?" To which the boy says "Oh the usual, I had a math test, I got an A in spelling and I had sex with my English teacher." The mother, aghast, doesn't know what to say. She steams and stammers and finally she angrily says "Go in and tell your father what you just told me!" The boy goes into see his father and says "Gee mom sure is mad." The father says "Why?" "I just told her what I did in school today. I had a math test, I got an A in spelling and I had sex with my English teacher." Well the father is beside himself with joy. He give his son a nudge and a wink and says "Congratulations - you passed a milestone. I'll tell you what, let's go out and celebrate. We'll have some ice cream and then I'll buy you a new bike." The boy says - "The ice cream sounds great, but can we hold off on the bike a few days - my ass is killing me."