Dem Blues

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Didodadsdogsdead, Apr 2, 2013.

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    1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

    2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

    4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch. There ain't no way out.

    5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

    6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

    7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago,St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.

    8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

    9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

    10. Good places for the Blues:
    a. highway
    b. jailhouse
    c. empty bed
    d. bottom of a whiskey glass

    Bad places for the Blues:
    a. Lidl
    b. gallery openings
    c. Oxbridge universities
    d. golf courses

    11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

    12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

    Yes, if:
    a. you older than dirt
    b. you blind
    c. you shot a man in Memphis
    d. you can't be satisfied

    No, if:
    a. you have all your teeth
    b. you were once blind but now can see
    c. the man in Memphis lived
    d. you have a scholarship or trust fund

    13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

    14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
    a. cheap wine
    b. whiskey or bourbon
    c. muddy water
    d. nasty black coffee

    The following are NOT Blues beverages:
    a. Perrier
    b. Chardonnay
    c. Cider
    d. Diet Tab

    15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

    16. Some Blues names for women:
    a. Sadie
    b. Big Mama
    c. Bessie
    d. Fat River Dumpling

    17. Some Blues names for men:
    a. Joe
    b. Willie
    c. Little Willie
    d. Big Willie

    18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

    19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
    a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
    b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, etc..)
    c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
    Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.

    20. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot sing the blues

    Yours, DDDD a.k.a .................................. Incontinent Orange Obama
  2. WTF you on ?
  3. wal

    wal Badgeman

    ...and in the words of the Blues Brothers, You can't sing the blues in an air-conditioned room.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. "I woke up dis marnin an I'm singin da blues,cos I cant find my socks an I can't fin ma shoes, I can't fin ma shirt an I can't fin ma tie" From a duet by Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. I see those long hard times to come.
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