Dear Johns

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by seafarer1939, Oct 14, 2009.

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  1. Just wondered if the modern matelot still puts up the dear John letters on the ships notice board or is it against the PC rules.
    We had some crackers especially on the old Victorious and they were looked forward too with a chuckle at the end.
    Most were heartbreaking saying sorry to let you know etc but they never knew most Jacks couldn't give a shit and gave us a laugh.
    I pinned one up,I was writing to two and got the names mixed up when posting,tried to mangle an excuse but I got the Dear John so up she went.
  2. I received my first Dear John letter whilst I was away in the Far East on my 21st Birthday. Cracking present that was
  3. Those were the days when your Dear John was dropped by an Avro Shackleton, courtesy of the boys in light blue, not that I ever received one. :)
  4. There is the old classic dit, which I'm sure has probably been spun on here before but I will spin it again for good measure:

    This really happened right, to an oppo of mine's oppo who was on the massive down the (insert name of operation here). So he gets the Dear John (shouldn't that be Dear Jack?) letter which goes like this:

    Dear Jack,
    I'm really sorry to tell you this but I have been sleeping with your oppo Dave, you see I couldn't stand being alone while you were gone and eventually I gave in to temptation. I'm really sorry and I hope you understand. Please can you send me back the photo I sent you.

    Love Sandy

    So anyway Jack goes around the ship asking as many lads as possible for phots of women, their mums, daughters, sisters, girlfriends, wives, the lot. He puts them all in an envelope and throws in a few really skanky ones from the gronk board for good measure. In the envelope he puts Sandy's photo and a short note with the following written on it:

    Dear Sandy,
    Thank you for your letter, I'm really sorry but I can't remember which one you are. Please take your photo from the selection I have sent and send the rest back to me.

    Cheers Jack.

    The end

    True story that is, really happened.
  5. I don't know you too well mate, so I'd never come right out and say that I don't believe you...but are you really sure this is a true dit? hmmmm?
  6. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I wish i got a dear John. When i was on Granby, i was doing my onions because my then squeeze hadn't written to me. Mind you, once the ground war kicked off i had better things to concentrate on. Returning home, we met up in my local, her looking rather sheepish, me looking tanned, svelte and rather dashing. We ended up back at hers to discuss things and i ended up kipping the night. It turned out that she "Didn't know what to write". However, forewarned was forearmed as i had found out beforehand from brother Blackrat that she was knocking off some spanner from the local kwik fit. I didn't get a shag, but i ended up pissing in her kettle and knocking one out in her knicker draw when she was in the shower.
  7. You could always read his disclaimer at the beginning and put your 'sarcasm detector' to max before reading the last line. :wink:
  8. You bastard, I wondered what tea she was using. I put it down to the scrubber using PG pyramid bags.
  9. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I hope you brought one of your own mugs as i rimmed all hers with my bellend.
  10. Or as we in in the Senior Service call it, 'dicking a mug', allegedly. Hi Andy, hope the coffee didn't taste fishy, you tosser :lol:
  11. Not so much a DJ but during my first FEZ trip in 68 my mother moved house and did not bother to tell me, mixed messages ?.
  12. Went to the Med 1963: my fiancee in Grantham (without the ring, she gave it me back, so I took it and then reconciled without it) found out about my new fiancee in Guzz (with the ring). Week later, she gives me the elbow because of the one in Grantham ! Went home on leave in 64, met a real drink on a stick from the flats in Grandby Way, she gave me the elbow 4 days after I flew back because I tromfurgled her mate the night she stayed in to wash her hair. And don't even ask about the one from Leicester !!! WTF is this user known as Norman stuff ? I said GRANTHAM !!!!!

    Delete all referemces to "User known as Norman" - insert G R A N T H A M

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