DCI Gene Hunt Quotes


War Hero
Book Reviewer
I miss him! Anyone got any more?:

* "They reckon you've got concussion, but I couldn't give a tart's furry cup if half your brains have fallen out. Don't EVER waltz into my kingdom acting king of the jungle."
* "Gene Hunt. Your DCI. And it's 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm 'avin' 'oops."
* "She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot."
* "He's got fingers in more pies than a leper on a cookery course."
* "This investigation's going at the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory."
* [to a handful of kids, staring at his car] "Anything happens to this motor, I'll come 'round your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it?"
* [referencing Annie] "Fanny in the flat. Nice work!"
* "Good work Raymondo, I'm bumping you back to DS, only this time, make sure it stands for Detective Sergeant and not Dog Shit!"
* "Warren is a bum bandit. Do you understand?! A poof. A fairy. A queer. A queen. Fudgepacker! Uphill gardener! Fruit-picking sodomite!"
* [When Sam Tyler asks back to this line if Warren is gay, Hunt retorts:] "As a bloody Christmas tree!"
* "I find the idea of watching some bird brushing her teeth on a bloke's John Thomas less than exotic!"
* "You, the monkey or the organ grinder? Who's making the calls planting the bombs? I want names I want them now!"
* "You sick evil bastard, where's the next one going to go off?"
* "You're not the one who's going to have to knit himself a new arse after 25 years of aggressive male affection in prison showers..."
* "Trust the Gene Genie."
* "There will NEVER be a woman prime minister as long as I have a hole in my arse."
* "Why have you got an ant's nest up your arse over a bit of skirt?"
* "You great, soft, sissy, girlie, nancy, French, bender, Man United-supporting poof!"
* "I don't like this. Gene Hunt smashes doors down, he does NOT pick girlie locks."
* "We're looking for a short skinny bird, wears a big coat, lots of gob."
* [After discovering a deflated blowup doll in the boot of a car] "That's no way to treat a lady."
* "Drop your weapons, you are surrounded by armed bastards."
* "Don't move, you are surrounded by armed bastards!"
* "Grab 'em by the balls and their hearts and minds will surely follow."
* "Human rights are for human beings."
* "This is why birds and CID don't mix. You give a bloke a gun, it's a dream come true. You give a girl one, she moans it doesn't go with her dress."
* "This is my city, and it will be safe for my wife and my mum to walk around in. Is that understood? So find out who the dead woman was, and find out who killed her. Do it now! [Looks at watch.] Hold up, hold up. Do it tomorrow, first thing. Beer o'clock, gentlemen."
* "Surveillance? That doesn't sound very manly. It's not proper police work, is it, spying on people?"
* "What I call a dream involves Diana Dors and a bottle of chip oil."
* "If anyone farts in this city our snouts should be able to name the arse responsible."
* "Right. Pub?"
* "I once hit a bloke for speaking French."
* "If I was as worried as you, I'd never fart for fear of shitting myself."
* "Are you trying to get something out of her, or something into her?"
* "[To Sam] Where are you today, then? Here, or Planet of the Clangers?"
* "I may be a sheriff, but I'm a deputy to the law."
* "You know, if you were Pinocchio you'd have just poked my eye out!"
* "I'm not a Catholic meself, Mr Warren, but isn't there something in the Bible about 'Thou shalt not suck off rent boys'?"
* "My friend is going to ask you some questions. Personally I hope you don't answer them because I want you to die in here and end up inside a pork pie."
* "Oi! Referee! Has anyone ever told you you need glasses, you dozy git? next time, I run you over!"
* "Reckon we can take him. I'll jump him, you take his gun and Cartwright can jump up and down on his knackers."
* "Now is not the time to have a one-night stand with your conscience."
* "You so much as belch out of line and I'll have your scrotum on a barbed wire plate."
* "I am policing in the full glare of the public bloody eye, and the Chief Super is taking a personal interest and we also have no flipping evidence! And I can't believe I just said that!"
* "I hate people who give to charity."
* "Murderers do not play tennis!"
* "I know what blood group he is, A-Rhesus-Smug."
* "I think she's as fake as a tranny's fanny."
* "Drugs eh? What's the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren't there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke."
* "I love this city. Its mess. Its noise. Prozzies. Drunks. Stray dogs, little old men. ...Rest of this country couldn't give a threepenny bit about this town. The orphans take whoever they can get to look after them. That's me."
* "Tits in a jumper, maybe a result."
* "Oi, Romeo. Are we gonna open this bog water or what?"
* " Y'know, I'd listen to the snot in my hankie before I'd listen to you."
* "The public don't give a damn what we do, as long as we get results."
* " Once Upon A Time In Her Vest? [disgusted] You dare to pollute the glorious genre of the American Western?"
* "Right, Scotland Yard are sending up some sort of kleptomaniac."
* " Blardy, blardy, history bloody blardy. It doesn't take a degree in applied bollocks to know what's going on!"

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