David Beckham wakes up one morning, showers and puts on his best Armani tracksuit, ready for another hard day's work of being an over-privileged, tattooed ponce. Catching sight of himself in the mirror,he thinks "By God, David, you're looking good today." He admires the fine cut of his track suit,the healthy sheen of his tan and flexes his biceps. "Feeling good too", he notes proudly at the firm swell muscle underneath the Manchester Utd shirt he's wearing. He goes down to the kitchen where "Posh" hands him a Golden, Diamond Cut bowl of Shreddies. "You're looking fit this morning, David dear." "Too right," says Golden-balls. "I feel good as well." "But you don't smell so good, mind" comments his wife. The Muppet takes a sniff. "You're right there," he says worriedly, "I do smell a bit rough." He finishes his breakfast, jumps into his Ferrari with leopard skin interior and drives off to Old Trafford to practice breaking his voice. He meets poor old Luke Chadwick at the gates. "Alright David. You're looking good today," says the extremely ugly one. "Too right, I am," says Golden-balls. "But you whiff a bit," says the overrated ugly t**t. "Funny that, I don't know what it is but Posh said the same thing." "Good morning to you" he grins at Alex Ferguson. "It's a fine day, David", says The Scottish Drunk, chewing his gum wildly. "And you're looking really good." "Hey thanks Boss. I look good and I feel good as well," replies the overpaid tosser. "Oh David!" winces the Scotsman. "You do smell awful, skip training and go to the quacks" Worried, Golden balls visits his doctor. "Doctor, I've got a problem. I look good, I feel great but I smell awful." The doctor gets out his medical dictionary. "Let's see...looks good...feels great...smells awful. Hmm, yes,?its quite simple, Mr Beckham," says the doctor..... "You're a cu*t."