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Cruel & Unusual punishment required

Catballou

Midshipman
FOR my teenage daughter
I'm so annoyed I can barely letch at all the men in uniform in my building

My daughter has fallen in lurrrve and last month her phone bill was £140.00, I had a quiet word with her and she promised that she wouldn't ring him on the moby anymore, that she'd go landline - landline because that's free

so imagine my delight when I looked at this months bill and it's gone up to £370.00 for the month :
Obviously I've blocked the phone from outgoing calls, obviously she's grounded but I don't feel that will get the message across

I need something a little bit more cruel & unusual .....

So come on I know you can be a twisted lot what can I legally do to her to reinforce the message I'm sending :twisted:
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Superglue boxing gloves onto her hands, she won't be able to text or dial out for ages.
 
She does tasks that she hates. Give her a star for each one, when she has 370 she has paid her debt. If she wants to behave like a child treat her like one.

Take her phone, if she is grounded she does not need one.

Send her to outer mongolia with all the other little scrotes until she can pay her keep.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Catballou said:
FOR my teenage daughter
I'm so annoyed I can barely letch at all the men in uniform in my building

My daughter has fallen in lurrrve and last month her phone bill was £140.00, I had a quiet word with her and she promised that she wouldn't ring him on the moby anymore, that she'd go landline - landline because that's free

so imagine my delight when I looked at this months bill and it's gone up to £370.00 for the month :
Obviously I've blocked the phone from outgoing calls, obviously she's grounded but I don't feel that will get the message across

I need something a little bit more cruel & unusual .....

So come on I know you can be a twisted lot what can I legally do to her to reinforce the message I'm sending :twisted:

Yeah really sorry about this, things have been a bit tight this month since the court case, so she has been calling me cos I can't afford any credit. I think grounding her was a bit out of order though, how is she supposed to come round to my squat now?
 
Get a set of bolt-croppers and snip her upper jawbone just between her two front teeth. That'll teach her, and no man will look at her again.

Job done.

Or if that is getting off too lightly just download some child porn on her phone and tell the filth.
 
Post her mobile number on Guido Fawkes website as the contact point for complaints about perceived misconduct by MPs, then superglue the headset to her ears, set the phone to automatically receive all calls and lock it and secure it so she cannot turn it off or tamper with it.... and doooo make sure it's connected to an external power supply.
 

Ja5on

War Hero
Make her work at McDonalds or a fish and chips until she has earn't enough money to pay it back.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
Rig the phone up to the mains and ring it when she's just got out of the shower.
 
Ja5on said:
Make her work at McDonalds or a fish and chips until she has earn't enough money to pay it back.

I bet you wish you had the capacity to work in such esteemed establishments rather than having to wash cars on a saturday don't you?
 

Ja5on

War Hero
Ooo I know invite her friends round and become the fun Mum and Dad who get involved with whatever they do and talk like them. Or just tell all her mates embarrising stories about her. Find the number for her boyfriends phone and invite him round for dinner then interrogate him in front of her and then bring out the photos :wink: You know the parents photo's of her when she was young and adorable :twisted:
 

Ja5on

War Hero
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Ja5on said:
Make her work at McDonalds or a fish and chips until she has earn't enough money to pay it back.

I bet you wish you had the capacity to work in such esteemed establishments rather than having to wash cars on a saturday don't you?

I would rather wash cars thanks it pays more. I haven't hit rock bottom yet.
 
Eureka! I have it! The puuurrrrfect cruel and unusual punishment.....


Marry her off to Ja5on and for your wedding pressy give them a one way ticket into outer space! :p :D

Sorry Ja5on, nothing personal, but.... :twisted:
 

Ja5on

War Hero
thingy said:
Eureka! I have it! The puuurrrrfect cruel and unusual punishment.....


Marry her off to Ja5on and for your wedding pressy give them a one way ticket into outer space! :p :D

Sorry Ja5on, nothing personal, but.... :twisted:

I like it.... Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars....
 

Catballou

Midshipman
Ja5on said:
thingy said:
Eureka! I have it! The puuurrrrfect cruel and unusual punishment.....


Marry her off to Ja5on and for your wedding pressy give them a one way ticket into outer space! :p :D

Sorry Ja5on, nothing personal, but.... :twisted:

I like it.... Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars....

It's really tempting but I'm not sure he could keep her in the style to which she has become accustomed :roll:

Can you please post photo and I'll run the idea past her though,
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Catballou said:
Ja5on said:
thingy said:
Eureka! I have it! The puuurrrrfect cruel and unusual punishment.....


Marry her off to Ja5on and for your wedding pressy give them a one way ticket into outer space! :p :D

Sorry Ja5on, nothing personal, but.... :twisted:

I like it.... Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars....

It's really tempting but I'm not sure he could keep her in the style to which she has become accustomed :roll:

Can you please post photo and I'll run the idea past her though,

No need,.. he played the part of gollum in Lord of the Rings.

Without makeup :roll: :wink:
 

Ja5on

War Hero
Rumrat said:
Catballou said:
Ja5on said:
thingy said:
Eureka! I have it! The puuurrrrfect cruel and unusual punishment.....


Marry her off to Ja5on and for your wedding pressy give them a one way ticket into outer space! :p :D

Sorry Ja5on, nothing personal, but.... :twisted:

I like it.... Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars....

It's really tempting but I'm not sure he could keep her in the style to which she has become accustomed :roll:

Can you please post photo and I'll run the idea past her though,

No need,.. he played the part of gollum in Lord of the Rings.

Without makeup :roll: :wink:

Actually it was Dobby in Harry Potter please give me a sock
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Ja5on said:
Rumrat said:
Catballou said:
Ja5on said:
thingy said:
Eureka! I have it! The puuurrrrfect cruel and unusual punishment.....


Marry her off to Ja5on and for your wedding pressy give them a one way ticket into outer space! :p :D

Sorry Ja5on, nothing personal, but.... :twisted:

I like it.... Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars....

It's really tempting but I'm not sure he could keep her in the style to which she has become accustomed :roll:

Can you please post photo and I'll run the idea past her though,

No need,.. he played the part of gollum in Lord of the Rings.

Without makeup :roll: :wink:

Actually it was Dobby in Harry Potter please give me a sock

You did mean SOCK?
 

Ja5on

War Hero
WreckerL said:
Ja5on said:
Rumrat said:
Catballou said:
Ja5on said:
thingy said:
Eureka! I have it! The puuurrrrfect cruel and unusual punishment.....


Marry her off to Ja5on and for your wedding pressy give them a one way ticket into outer space! :p :D

Sorry Ja5on, nothing personal, but.... :twisted:

I like it.... Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars....

It's really tempting but I'm not sure he could keep her in the style to which she has become accustomed :roll:

Can you please post photo and I'll run the idea past her though,

No need,.. he played the part of gollum in Lord of the Rings.

Without makeup :roll: :wink:

Actually it was Dobby in Harry Potter please give me a sock

You did mean SOCK?

Yes watch the film you will find out what I am on about
 
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