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Crap Weight Lifting (literally)

Pontius

War Hero
Nothing to do with ships, military or the like but it was so funny that I feel the need to share.

I took a wrong turning on the way to the pub and ended up in a place called a Jim. Since I was in there I decided to set the treadmill to 'Fail The RN Fitness Test' and began a huffing and puffing routine that was somewhat reminiscent of the Flying Scotsman. Anyway, about 20 minutes later (okay 3, but 20 sounds better) in walked a 20-something bloke who obviously took himself very seriously and reckoned he was a bit lovely. He sauntered over to a bench-press and then literally spent over 7 minutes walking around, adjusting the length of his sleeves, pulling his shorts up, then down again etc. Eventually he addressed the weights on the bar and decided they weren't manly enough for his huge physique and, so, piled on a load more. Now, I should point out that this gym is in Japan and the aforementioned chap was Japanese, so 'manly' and 'huge physique' should be taken in context. I'm certainly no expert on bench presses but I probably have his chest and shoulder size by at least half again and there's no way I'd be slinging on the number of weights he did. Clearly this was going to be very entertaining and I was not to be disappointed. After another 3 or so minutes lying on the bench and 'testing' the height to the bar etc he made his first press. Up the bar went, down it came to his chest, up it went again (VERY slowly) and then there was a cry, or more a shriek for Mr Manly-san. He sat bolt upright, twizzled himself off the bench and the stood very slowly before waddling towards the changing rooms with a brown smudge appearing in the arse of his lovely yellow shorts and with this morning's eel and jellyfish breakfast running down the inside of his port thigh.

I, of course, am incredibly mature and certainly did not nearly fall off the treadmill in tears of laughter. Even the normally stoic attendees of such serious Japanese establishments found it highly amusing and soon the place was as happy as a happy place at happy hour. The lovely, demure, girls pretended to avert their eyes but then they got together in a giggling group and much badly disguised pointing ensued.

To give him his due, Mr Manly-san did make an appearance after a short interlude, clad in new shorts and looking a bit sheepish. I've never seen the Japanese deliberately take the piss, because that means loss of face for the receiver, but they actually cheered when he reappeared. There was still much preening as he approached his nemesis, the bench, but some of the weights were removed. He then took over 35 minutes (I promise this is true) to do 4 sets of 5 bench presses. I suppose it was lucky nobody else wanted to use the same equipment.

Doubtless there are better stories around and I expect to get black-catted in short order but it was great to actually be there when one of these apocryphal stories takes place, rather than repeating what a mate down the pub told me ^^
 

Guzzler

War Hero
Nothing to do with ships, military or the like but it was so funny that I feel the need to share.

I took a wrong turning on the way to the pub and ended up in a place called a Jim. Since I was in there I decided to set the treadmill to 'Fail The RN Fitness Test' and began a huffing and puffing routine that was somewhat reminiscent of the Flying Scotsman. Anyway, about 20 minutes later (okay 3, but 20 sounds better) in walked a 20-something bloke who obviously took himself very seriously and reckoned he was a bit lovely. He sauntered over to a bench-press and then literally spent over 7 minutes walking around, adjusting the length of his sleeves, pulling his shorts up, then down again etc. Eventually he addressed the weights on the bar and decided they weren't manly enough for his huge physique and, so, piled on a load more. Now, I should point out that this gym is in Japan and the aforementioned chap was Japanese, so 'manly' and 'huge physique' should be taken in context. I'm certainly no expert on bench presses but I probably have his chest and shoulder size by at least half again and there's no way I'd be slinging on the number of weights he did. Clearly this was going to be very entertaining and I was not to be disappointed. After another 3 or so minutes lying on the bench and 'testing' the height to the bar etc he made his first press. Up the bar went, down it came to his chest, up it went again (VERY slowly) and then there was a cry, or more a shriek for Mr Manly-san. He sat bolt upright, twizzled himself off the bench and the stood very slowly before waddling towards the changing rooms with a brown smudge appearing in the arse of his lovely yellow shorts and with this morning's eel and jellyfish breakfast running down the inside of his port thigh.

I, of course, am incredibly mature and certainly did not nearly fall off the treadmill in tears of laughter. Even the normally stoic attendees of such serious Japanese establishments found it highly amusing and soon the place was as happy as a happy place at happy hour. The lovely, demure, girls pretended to avert their eyes but then they got together in a giggling group and much badly disguised pointing ensued.

To give him his due, Mr Manly-san did make an appearance after a short interlude, clad in new shorts and looking a bit sheepish. I've never seen the Japanese deliberately take the piss, because that means loss of face for the receiver, but they actually cheered when he reappeared. There was still much preening as he approached his nemesis, the bench, but some of the weights were removed. He then took over 35 minutes (I promise this is true) to do 4 sets of 5 bench presses. I suppose it was lucky nobody else wanted to use the same equipment.

Doubtless there are better stories around and I expect to get black-catted in short order but it was great to actually be there when one of these apocryphal stories takes place, rather than repeating what a mate down the pub told me ^^

There maybe better, but that's a good benchmark. (I know it doesn't mean that, but it's close)
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
Now that story is a thing of beauty Pontius.

On a similar theme, i recall watching two sprogs pick up a length of track for a 432 panzer once. Both chaps bent their knees, kept their backs straight and on the command "Two, three, UP" sprog number two let out a fart so thunderous, it was like the sides of a marquee tent ripping in a force ten gale. Sprog number one laughed so much, he dropped his end of the track on his foot, breaking three toes.

Laugh? I nearly shat.
 

frogman007

War Hero
Now that story is a thing of beauty Pontius.

On a similar theme, i recall watching two sprogs pick up a length of track for a 432 panzer once. Both chaps bent their knees, kept their backs straight and on the command "Two, three, UP" sprog number two let out a fart so thunderous, it was like the sides of a marquee tent ripping in a force ten gale. Sprog number one laughed so much, he dropped his end of the track on his foot, breaking three toes.

Laugh? I nearly shat.

That is a lie isn't it?
 
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