Cows...!

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Jimmy_Green, Mar 14, 2008.

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  1. I saw these on a different forum and decided to share them with you.



    SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour

    COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    NIHILISM: You have two cows. So what?

    LIBERALISM: You have two cows. You wanted two Bulls, but for too long cows have been the victims of institutionalised prejudice and now the balance is being redressed.

    RACISM: You have two Guernsey cows but the black patches are the problem with this f*cking country.

    NEW LABOUR: You have two cows. Give one to me and I'll Knight you.

    CAMERON'S TORIES: You have two cows. What would Blair do?

    LIBERAL DEMOCRATS: You have no cows. Just give it up.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

    IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

    WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

    AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
     
  2. MARRIED LIFE - 1 cow is enough, no way I could cope with two !!!
     

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