Cooks, chefs, food arrangers stories!

As the 'Tall Chef' thread has now fallen to the usual level, in order to avoid it getting binned, let's put all the 'funny' (at least to us mere mortals!) cooky boy stories in here.

You know, like when you were waiting for the hatch to open and maybe sat on the shelf, only to be told 'That's for risoles, not arseholes!'

Anyway, one of my favourite was on the Rusty B a lifetime ago. Up went the metal roller blind, to reveal to the queue of Matelots and Booties a delight of Pusser's gastronomic excellence. As the queue surged forward, the serving wench or chef apologised for the maggots in the chips, due to all the potatoe having gone off.

In reality, they had slung a handful of cooked rice in amomg the chips!

Funny how some things stick in your memory after all these years.........!
I remember soaking a baby gerkin in blue food colour until it went black and looked like a slug. Then put it in one of the plated salads :)
Again, the question -
Would that be the one ' the f***ing course is so f***ing difficult that no f***er....' etc etc?

Just asking like. Honest........
Someone once left a catering sized tin of baked beans in the can crusher. You can imagine what happened when it got squished.

Orange is the new epoxy white.
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Lantern Swinger
I remember the cockies crawling all over the grease proof paper put over the serving trays before scran started. That was on Fearless in early nighties, although the whole ship was riddled with the little buggers!
Always very careful with chilli as on a few occasions you would find one instead of a kidney bean. Some of the chefs were right grumpy bastards so don't know if it was done accidently or not! :):)
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Days of pussers bag rats ... ham roll, squiggy bit of cheese and a hard boiled egg. Out with the bootie detachement one day and they have a strange custom of cracking the egg on their oppo's head just in case chef had pulled a fast one and put a raw egg in ... wasn't disappointed as some young bootie ended up with an eggwash shampoo ... how we all laughed!


Lantern Swinger
The only place I ever saw a cockie in a pussers galley was at Excellent, early 80's.

Obviously very well cleaned or I didn't look hard enough

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Believe me JFH, that ship was alive with cockies. They were even down the mess decks. Horrible finding one crawling around between your sleeping bag and the lining inside. Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it :(:(
Dryad '72 , young chef straight out of Pembroke on his first stint at breakfast/daily prep , cooked 40 boiled eggs for 4 minutes each , yep the whole lot for 160 minutes. Spent the rest of his draft at Dryad working at the stables.
One certain chef (and I use that term very loosely) on one of HM’s finest black messengers of death, was so bad at cooking he was know as “cant cook, cant cook”. He once put out a continental breakfast with boiled eggs, only the whites were uncooked but the yolk was as hard as a brick. Never met a worse chef than him.
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