Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by sgtpepperband, Dec 10, 2007.

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  1. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer


    They don't have anything bigger than a size twelve. Anyone else been conned recently?
  2. rod-gearing

    rod-gearing War Hero

    Did see Shrek in there buying sandals.
  3. Has the old woman that lived in it died?
  4. ropedope

    ropedope New member

    I find the same with condoms, they say normal, but they came from this shop
  5. Tas-ape

    Tas-ape New member

    Talking about condoms, did you know that they come in three sizes:

    a) Medium.

    b) Large.

    c) You lying bastard. :rendeer:
  6. Swing the lantern and I'll tell 'e a yarn of when I were a lad. The old blue Durex packets of 3 used have marked on the cover "Number 3 Teat". Now I thought that must be the size and, like a fishing hook or twist drill, the bigger the number the smaller the kit. So, with total confidence, off I go to the Chemists and ask the nice lady behind the counter for a pack of number 4 teat. After several minutes (or so it seemed) of question and explanation I asked, in plain language, for a "smaller size" (well, after use they were always stretched to hell and I was scared one might deep dive to somewhere it shouldn't). She looked directly at me and with an expression devoid of all humour, she said "They're all the same size; have you tried the bicycle shop"

    I never went back to that chemists.
  7. mactheknife

    mactheknife New member

    Remember those rubber johnnies they sold in Hong kong with triangular rubber bits glued to them. "Givem a brorry good frill"
    Well! the poor New Zealand teacher I first tried them on is probably still extricating them from her system.
    The glue dissolved and all those little tantilizing bits disappeard within her.
  8. Winsk

    Winsk Badgeman

    In ASDA, they're selling Wilkinson 'Magic Carpets', imagine my dispair when I got it home, laid it out- and it stayed there.
    No flying,
    no hovering,
    not even a smally flutter.

    I'll be taking it back and demanding my money back soonest!

  9. mactheknife

    mactheknife New member

    We don't sell them in Timothy Whites-- Try Boots--- Kicking her to death was the last thing I had on my mind.
  10. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Timothy Whites? Now you are showing your age... just like your Lt Cdr/Admiral drips! :roll:
  11. mactheknife

    mactheknife New member

    Why! how sweet: and a happy Christmas to you. Drip chit on One Man Bands desk
  12. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Make it so - and submit your Draft Chit at the same time... 8O
  13. mactheknife

    mactheknife New member

    Even sweeter!
    Pier Head jumps I seem to recall. Draft Chits? Not too sure what they were.
  14. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Either or... would suit RR perfectly! How about the Falklands for 12 months?
  15. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Anyway, back on thread. Conned? Yeah - I thought NormPlumKnife was a genuine contributor to RR, but it seems he is a Walt... :roll:
  16. mactheknife

    mactheknife New member

    Protector in the middle 50's for two months or so cataloguing its bird life for the Natural History museum.
    Two months quite sufficient Thank You
  17. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Yeah, noticed you came back though...
  18. mactheknife

    mactheknife New member

    As charmless as ever.
  19. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Maybe, but at least I do not have to keep reinventing new pseudonyms to repeat my mindless drivel that no-one wants to read here anyway...
  20. mactheknife

    mactheknife New member

    \\\\\not pseudonyms much too anodyne --More noms de guerre

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