Complaints to Councils

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by sgtpepperband, Jun 30, 2012.

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  1. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

    1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

    3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

    4. Their 18-year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

    11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
  2. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    £3.54 for a summary warrant? That's cheap!
  3. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

  4. Just bill them double for the inconvenience that they've caused you and the costs that you've incurred as a result.

    Reasonable costs can be:

    Car Park Fee,
    Travelling to the bank to get their owed monies,
    Wash/Shave and items used to have you in a presentable condition to pay in person
    Loss of work time
    Internet Usage charges for having to find out where you stood.

    And because this is Lil's:

    Sure they won't accept a huge pile of poo on their entrance instead?
  5. A
    Piecemeal actions, go big time....revenge. pay the bill, then reverse your car, or your oppos into any of those plastic bollards,until you have accrued the amount charged in damage.
  6. Looking at the large pile of sh*te SWMBO nag produces on a daily basis ... how much do you want delivered and where to?

    But as Tre says ... Revenge is definitely sweeter ...

    Take a picture of the local pothole and send em a bill for several hundreds of pounds for new tyre/tracking/new wheel/fitting!
  7. I shopped a traffic warden, correction Parking Enforcement Officer, for using his mobile phone last week. Council rang me yesterday telling me the miscreant denied doing it. Suppose I'm going to get stiffed for parking offences now
  8. You've lost me, if he wasn't driving, where's the wrongdoing?

  9. Now I recall seing a couple of 9 Bob notes, but pray do tell, where can I get a 25p coin?
  10. Good spot, he was driving his little white van at the time
  11. A crown is a coin worth 2 half-crowns or 5 Bob wot is now 25 p
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2012

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