The_Caretaker
War Hero
Why do gay men have moustaches?
To hide the stretchmarks.
.........................................................
What is a yankee?
A quickie, but you do it yourself.
..........................................................
The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was aproached by his assistant.
"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian. "Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course"
"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.
"I'm not sure",replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn stuck up her ****!"
"Are you sure", said the Mortitian.
"Yes, come and have a look for yourself" ,said the assistant opening the body bag.
The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.
"That's not a prawn you stupid ******", he responded, "That's her clitoris"
"Are you sure", said the assisitant, "'Cos it certainly tasted like a prawn".
..........................................................................
What did the Wicked Witch say to the naked woman before she ate her for dinner?
"It's really soft but why doesn't it go 'meow' when I tickle it?"
...........................................................................
What did Ellen Degeneress say to Kathy Lee? Can I be Frank with you?
...........................................................................
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneress is opening a lumber yard?
Limited stock, no studs, only tongue and groove!
............................................................................
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned?
She fell into Rikki Lake.
....................................................................................
What is the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian.
One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker
....................................................................................
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
........................................................................................
Have you heard of that Japanese book, "White, Creamy Walls"?
It was written by Whoflung Kum
.......................................................................................
Why didn't the witch sleep with the devil?
He was too horny for her.
....................................................................................
What is an Australian kiss?
Same thing as a french kiss, except it is done down under...
....................................................................................
What do doctors do with the foreskins after they cut them off?
Sell them to fags for chewing gum.
......................................................................................
What do ya get when you cross a wall and nuts together?
Wall Nuts.
What do you get when you cross a chest and nuts together?
Chest Nuts.
What do you get when you cross a chin and nuts together?
A dick in your mouth.
.....................................................................................
A guy is finger-******* this chick he just meet.
The girl is enjoying this very much. She asks for two fingers, and the guy inserts two fingers.
She asks for three fingers, and again the guy is willing to please.
She's screaming for the guy to insert is complete hand. The guy does it (to his amazement).
She's out of control... she then demands the second hand.
The guy can't believe it, but does it anyway.
Screeching at the top of her lungs, she begs him to start applauding in her snatch.
The guy tries but can't do it, so the girl looks at him and says: "I'm pretty tight, hey!"
.............................................................................
How can you tell when a midget is lying?
When he says to a women "your hair smells good!"
.............................................................................
What would happen if men were to have periods?
They would compare the size of their tampoons.
...........................................................................
What do you call a closet full of lesbians?
Liquor Cabinet
..............................................................................
What do you call a bull that masturbates?
Beef Stroginoff.
..............................................................................
My mother will not breast feed me. She says she just wants to be friends!
................................................................................
Waiter: Would you like the blackened bluefish?
Customer: No thanks, I'll just have the sexually assaulted chicken.
.................................................................................
What do you call Alaskan Lesbians?
Klondikes.
.................................................................................
What do gay termites eat?
Wood Peckers.
..................................................................................
Johni the queer decides to change his gender, he saves his money for years and finally goes to the operation.
One week later he returns to the bar, and now he/she is a beautifull blonde. His/her friend ask him/her "Hey tell us, how that operation was like?"
"Well," he/she says, "it was the worst experience I had in my life!" "Why?" asks the friend.
"Well, when they put the tits, it was acking like hell. when they cut off my dick, I felt as I could die. but then the worst was when they start cutting half of my brain... "
..........................................................................................
Why do women have chins?
For men to rest their balls on.
........................................................................................
how do faggots get a condom off?
They fart.
.......................................................................................
An old man boarded a bus and sat down across the aisle from a punk kid. The punk had bushy hair that was dyed all different colors: red, yellow, green, blue and orange. He had clips of feathers hanging from his ears and hair.
The old man kept staring at him until the punk said to the old man, "Hey old man, haven't you ever done anything crazy in your life before?"
The old man answered, "Hell yeah, I have, I screwed a parrot about 20 years ago and I thought you were my son!"
....................................................................................
What do you call two skunks doing 69?
Odor Eaters.
.....................................................................................
Two farm-boys were driving down the road when they saw a goat with its head stuck in a fence.
The first guy says, "Hey man pull over here, I want to go **** that goat."
He does, and when he's done he says, "O.K. now its your turn."
So his friend gets out and sticks his head in the fence.
......................................................................................
What the difference between a women and a freezer ?
The freezer don't fart when you take the meat out.
........................................................................................
What does walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon have in common with receiving oral sex from Janet Reno?
The warning is the same: "for God's sake, don't look down!"
To hide the stretchmarks.
.........................................................
What is a yankee?
A quickie, but you do it yourself.
..........................................................
The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was aproached by his assistant.
"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian. "Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course"
"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.
"I'm not sure",replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn stuck up her ****!"
"Are you sure", said the Mortitian.
"Yes, come and have a look for yourself" ,said the assistant opening the body bag.
The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.
"That's not a prawn you stupid ******", he responded, "That's her clitoris"
"Are you sure", said the assisitant, "'Cos it certainly tasted like a prawn".
..........................................................................
What did the Wicked Witch say to the naked woman before she ate her for dinner?
"It's really soft but why doesn't it go 'meow' when I tickle it?"
...........................................................................
What did Ellen Degeneress say to Kathy Lee? Can I be Frank with you?
...........................................................................
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneress is opening a lumber yard?
Limited stock, no studs, only tongue and groove!
............................................................................
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned?
She fell into Rikki Lake.
....................................................................................
What is the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian.
One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker
....................................................................................
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
........................................................................................
Have you heard of that Japanese book, "White, Creamy Walls"?
It was written by Whoflung Kum
.......................................................................................
Why didn't the witch sleep with the devil?
He was too horny for her.
....................................................................................
What is an Australian kiss?
Same thing as a french kiss, except it is done down under...
....................................................................................
What do doctors do with the foreskins after they cut them off?
Sell them to fags for chewing gum.
......................................................................................
What do ya get when you cross a wall and nuts together?
Wall Nuts.
What do you get when you cross a chest and nuts together?
Chest Nuts.
What do you get when you cross a chin and nuts together?
A dick in your mouth.
.....................................................................................
A guy is finger-******* this chick he just meet.
The girl is enjoying this very much. She asks for two fingers, and the guy inserts two fingers.
She asks for three fingers, and again the guy is willing to please.
She's screaming for the guy to insert is complete hand. The guy does it (to his amazement).
She's out of control... she then demands the second hand.
The guy can't believe it, but does it anyway.
Screeching at the top of her lungs, she begs him to start applauding in her snatch.
The guy tries but can't do it, so the girl looks at him and says: "I'm pretty tight, hey!"
.............................................................................
How can you tell when a midget is lying?
When he says to a women "your hair smells good!"
.............................................................................
What would happen if men were to have periods?
They would compare the size of their tampoons.
...........................................................................
What do you call a closet full of lesbians?
Liquor Cabinet
..............................................................................
What do you call a bull that masturbates?
Beef Stroginoff.
..............................................................................
My mother will not breast feed me. She says she just wants to be friends!
................................................................................
Waiter: Would you like the blackened bluefish?
Customer: No thanks, I'll just have the sexually assaulted chicken.
.................................................................................
What do you call Alaskan Lesbians?
Klondikes.
.................................................................................
What do gay termites eat?
Wood Peckers.
..................................................................................
Johni the queer decides to change his gender, he saves his money for years and finally goes to the operation.
One week later he returns to the bar, and now he/she is a beautifull blonde. His/her friend ask him/her "Hey tell us, how that operation was like?"
"Well," he/she says, "it was the worst experience I had in my life!" "Why?" asks the friend.
"Well, when they put the tits, it was acking like hell. when they cut off my dick, I felt as I could die. but then the worst was when they start cutting half of my brain... "
..........................................................................................
Why do women have chins?
For men to rest their balls on.
........................................................................................
how do faggots get a condom off?
They fart.
.......................................................................................
An old man boarded a bus and sat down across the aisle from a punk kid. The punk had bushy hair that was dyed all different colors: red, yellow, green, blue and orange. He had clips of feathers hanging from his ears and hair.
The old man kept staring at him until the punk said to the old man, "Hey old man, haven't you ever done anything crazy in your life before?"
The old man answered, "Hell yeah, I have, I screwed a parrot about 20 years ago and I thought you were my son!"
....................................................................................
What do you call two skunks doing 69?
Odor Eaters.
.....................................................................................
Two farm-boys were driving down the road when they saw a goat with its head stuck in a fence.
The first guy says, "Hey man pull over here, I want to go **** that goat."
He does, and when he's done he says, "O.K. now its your turn."
So his friend gets out and sticks his head in the fence.
......................................................................................
What the difference between a women and a freezer ?
The freezer don't fart when you take the meat out.
........................................................................................
What does walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon have in common with receiving oral sex from Janet Reno?
The warning is the same: "for God's sake, don't look down!"
