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I tried to get in a local club but the bouncer stopped me at the door "no tie, no entry" he growled. There were no shops open at 11.00pm so I nipped to the local garage.

On returning to the club the bouncer says "no tie, no entry" again. "But I have a tie on" I said, pointing to a set of jump leads I have tied round my neck.

Mmmmm ... he pondered scratching his head, then said "ok you can come in but dont start anything"!

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