Clean humour

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Jul 29, 2011.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer


    Alas, where has all our innocence gone?

    While I sat in the reception area
    of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man
    in a wheelchair into the room. As she went
    to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
    and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make
    small talk with him, a little boy slipped off
    his mother's lap and walked over to
    the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the
    man's knee, he said, I know how you feel. My
    mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'

    *****


    As I was nursing
    my baby, my cousin's six-year-old
    daughter, Krissy, came into the room.
    Never having seen anyone breast feed
    before, she was intrigued and full of all
    kinds of questions about what I was doing.
    After mulling over my answers, she remarked,
    'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them..'

    *****

    Out bicycling
    one day with my eight-year-old
    granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little
    wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want
    to be with your friends and you won't go
    walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do
    now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be
    too old to do all those things anyway.'

    ******

    Working as a pediatric
    nurse, I had the difficult assignment
    of giving immunization shots to children...
    One day, I entered the examining room to give
    four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she
    screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's
    not polite behavior.' With that, the girl
    yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank
    you!

    ******

    On the way back from a Cub
    Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
    'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but
    how do they get there in the first place?' After my
    son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally
    spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make
    up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't
    know the answer.'

    *****

    Just before I
    was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old
    son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm
    going to be away for a long time,' I told
    him. 'I'm going to Iraq ..' 'Why?' he
    asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going
    on over there?'


    *****

    Paul Newman






    founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
    children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
    diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife,
    Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with
    the kids. A counselor at a nearby
    table, suspecting the young patients
    wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star,
    explained, That's the man who made this camp
    possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on
    his salad dressing bottle?' Blank
    stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on
    his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl
    perked up. 'How long was he missing?'

    *****

    ... And my personal favorite ...God's Problem Now:

    His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a
    massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied
    by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
    "Well, she's there."
     

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