It is time for my annual make-a-cock-of-myself fest, how exactly should I go about it? In previous years I have: Drank a bottle of Jameson's before arrival, sat at the wrong table and asked everyone "who the fcuk are ou? And what are you doing at my table?" Unsuccesfully chatted up the XO's wife, and called him a cnut in earshot. Succesfully chatted up a pilots wife and threw up on her mid-cunnilingus. Fallen asleep in my duff, with my balls hanging out. Started dancing, without music before the third course, with my balls hanging out. Made a subordinate cry by sticking a fork in his sternum because he spilled red wine on my kecks. Failed to even make it, having fallen asleep on the bus after drinking aws much as I could in the 2 hours between thinning out and the transport leaving. Completely failed to turn up after falling asleep in the bar, probably with my balls hanging out. Any requests this year?