Christmas do tonight - Which tactic to employ?

It is time for my annual make-a-cock-of-myself fest, how exactly should I go about it?

In previous years I have:

Drank a bottle of Jameson's before arrival, sat at the wrong table and asked everyone "who the fcuk are ou? And what are you doing at my table?"

Unsuccesfully chatted up the XO's wife, and called him a cnut in earshot.

Succesfully chatted up a pilots wife and threw up on her mid-cunnilingus.

Fallen asleep in my duff, with my balls hanging out.

Started dancing, without music before the third course, with my balls hanging out.

Made a subordinate cry by sticking a fork in his sternum because he spilled red wine on my kecks.

Failed to even make it, having fallen asleep on the bus after drinking aws much as I could in the 2 hours between thinning out and the transport leaving.

Completely failed to turn up after falling asleep in the bar, probably with my balls hanging out.

Any requests this year?
I eat shed loads of pitted dates during the day and I stink ram, even makes me feel sick, I rack up at Tesco each week to have a quick scan of the lads mags, students from nearby college thin out quick when I let go and I can drool in peace.

Combined with booz I could not comment but a trail of liquid, rank shite on the dance floor would be good for PR I am sure, wonder if PR Totty has a view on this ?.
I had a pre - pre Christmas do in the mess last Friday.

Naked Spiderman impressions on the mess roof in the pissing rain at 2am while the wife looks on in horror, seems to be a good crack from what I remember.

Edited to add: Our mess is 4 storeys high.
Xmas bash Naples 93 CPOs mess York cock of a Mess Prezz put 3 barrels on at lunchtime a very bad move - by 1900 everyone batfaced then the jocks fcuk off and come back wearing either Rangers or Celtic scarves in mess undress fisticuffs prezz and VP both laid out I fcuked off ashore and sat in a park with a bottle of Port sailed and spent xmas on patrol of Kosovo what a shite shite wanking xmas that was. Skipper was a total cock one decent run ashore Corfu in March - it was closed
stan_the_man said:
2_deck_dash said:
Is it make a mends all round tomorrow? Or will you have to turn to with a hangover that would kill a crab?
2 D D who the feck works friday afternoon in the mob except grunters that is
No I'm talking about a proper make a mend.

The kind that is so fragile that to even whisper it's name can cause the dream to shatter before your eyes.

Dare I even mention it: Fo........ No I can't do it.


War Hero
Book Reviewer
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
I am fully expected to turn to at 0800 tomorrow morning. But let's not let that get in the way of the evenings frivolities. Fcuk tomorrow.
Wise words indeed. Couldn't agree more.
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