Christmas Day In Haslar


Lantern Swinger
This dit has been posted before by me on the board but thought it was an appropriate time of year to reprise it. Written by WWII submariner 'Mick' Jones of HMS/M Unbroken who sadly crossed the bar in June of this year; I'm sure 'Mick' the little leprachaun would have wanted me to share it with all matelots during this the festive season. Merry Christmas to all hands out there.

[align=left]CHRISTMAS DAY IN HASLAR[/align]

It was Christmas Day in Haslar, the whitewashed halls were hung
with merry festive greetings, all the carols had been sung.

When Matron came to the Men's Ward door, and in a voice so clear
she announced a Royal visitor to bring them Christmas cheer.

Princess Margaret stepped into the room, her tiara on her head
dispensing royal goodwill, as she moved from bed to bed.

She asked each man his trouble, as she moved on through the halls
till she came to the bed of the man who said, he had boils upon his balls.

The Sick Bay Tiffies giggled, and the Matron's face went scarlet red
as she pulled Her Royal Highness away from that patients bed.

"Who gave him sherry trifle, and started off his frolics?
when I get back I'll give him worse than boil's upon his bollocks."

It was Christmas night in the wee small hours, and not a patient stirred
when Matron came to the bed of the man, who had said that awful word.

She pulled the blankets off him, and then upon him she started
"How dare you tell a Royal Princess about your boily parts?"

"If ever again in future we're visited by one of our Royal select
and they ask you what your problem is, please show them some respect.

Think about our reputation, and don't make of us a spectacle
just say they're on your hands or knees, but never on your testicles."

It was Christmas Day in the ward once more, and joy was in the air
once more a Royal visitor, the Queen, herself was there.

Her Majesty walked down the ward, amidst the snap of Xmas cracker's
till she came to the bed of the man who said, he had boils upon his knackers.

When she asked him what his trouble was, his face was full of woe
then inspiration struck him, and he said "Boils upon my toe's".

"How very sad" the Queen replied, "How very sad Oh! dear"
"they must have spread down from your balls, since our Maggie came last year."

by Jones 'O' Unbroken

from Musings of a Merry Matelot

Red Sailor
Not too far off the thread, but, spent one Christmas in Dolphin with a load of Aussie boatmen.
During that time, we had snowfall - yep! that many years ago !!, and some of them had never seen the white stuff, and a huge snowfight ensued.
One of them ended up slipping over (prob from a well aimed snowball) and cracked his tailbone - ended up in Haslar for the period.
Good time for him though , because we smuggled a bottle of rum in as a get well pressie... don't think he got caught supping it.

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