Cheating at things.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by yamyamdabber, Apr 12, 2012.

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  1. After the recent "heated exchange" over the rights and wrongs of trying to get a heads up about what to expect at AIB and the point being raised that its possible to cheat at most exams, I thought id start a thread to share tips and stories of epic cheating.

    Of course ladies and gents, don't drop yourself or your oppo in it by naming names and only name courses that you have done and wont have to do again so that they tighten up the rules so others get seen off!

    My two personal favourite examples were being told I could use the info on the blackboard to complete my exam and if the info was on the other side of the board then just stick your hand up and the instructor would scroll the board around, and an oppo finding a .pdf version of the BR and putting it on his iPhone. Problem was he still only scrapped it which is worrying.

    Come on people, lets share some cheating for humorous purposes only, of course, never to get any ideas.
  2. I cheated by getting my mother to type my post on the "heated exchange", even if it didn't look very heated to me.
  3. There was a guy on my Mech's course who, every exam, would wear a pair of 8s with a rip across the thigh of the trousers. This was because he used to scribble all his crib notes on his thigh and then move the hole around to find the relevant crib! This is a 100% gen dit! He did so well that he was recommended for boats, same routine in DOLPHIN, then the giant wake up call of Part 3 and boards. I think he was SNLR'd back to General Service..............

  4. You HAD to cheat to pass Muppets course. God help us buffer!!!
  5. Safeguard, 6 clips Frogman, the guy with the iPhone I mention was a Diver!
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  6. Crib sheets on the inside cover of your scientific calculator on Tiffs course was always a favourite. This backfired just once when I got 100% in a CSS exam despite missing one day of the course due to an advanced hangover (it was only a two day course, including the exam). Questions as to how I'd managed to come top of the class, despite missing 2/3rds of the course were asked by my DO (the instructor didn't give a fuck) but amazingly I managed to blag it when I was given an impromptu oral exam on the subject.

    I spent the next few months being touted around Collingwood as a genius and 'a bright star to watch in the future.'

    Also during a totally gash hand tools course, I recall stealing the example test piece (a claw clamp if memory serves), disassembling it and passing off the pieces as my own.

    Before any of you clowns kick off about me cheating on the most cheers easy course in the mob, I must point out that our instructor allowed us to thin out once our work was done, so it was more a case of getting to the pub early.

    I think the only course I ever did that I didn't cheat on was Nav's Yeo course, this was purely because there was absolutely no requirement to, the instructor made it quite clear that he was going to spend the whole exam walking around the room pointing out the answers to us, this allowed us all to go out on the smash with him the night before.
  7. When I was on Mechs course a POMEM in the next cabin was booted off course, before he went he gave me half a dozen plastic rulers, one for each academic subject with all the relevant formulas scratched on them. I never had the balls to use them as it was so obvious. Even with his training aids he still managed to fail most of the exams so they didn't work that well.

    There was also a bloke on SR's nuclear short course who had a desperate need to go to heads during an exam. He came back with a right twat one as we'd flushed his crib notes down the heads beforehand as we'd spotted where he hid them, all buddies in boats :D

  8. In that case he must have been doing a very tough exam.....................
  9. And that reminds me - same guy as mentioned earlier, on the earlier part of Mech's used to compile copious notes on his desk ready for the exam. Therefore, he was mightily pissed off come the Friday morning to find person or persons unknown had not only moved his desk, but taken it to another classroom! My how we laughed! It was after that he began the trouser trick! Happy days!
  10. I spent years getting log tables tattooed all over my body ...

    ... and then some bastard invented the slide-rule :cwm10:
  11. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Transit across the Pond on HMS xxxxxx. I was SRs Dining Hall Party, clearing up after Watchkeeper's evening scran. Three beardy weirdy CPOs had commandeered a table in the corner with some books and personal CD players. Curious, I wandered over to see what they were doing as I put away the condiments. They explained that they had been to Nelson Education Centre before deployment with some language tapes, so they could speak the lingo and trap the girlies when we got to Rio. "Yeah, so while you lot are trying your best to impress 'em with sticky wets and embarrassing yourselves like drunken idiots, we'll be ditting on with them like locals, and they'll be dead impressed, an' shit," explained one, patronisingly."So why are you trying to learn Spanish then, Chief?" I enquired, helpfully.(Cue multiple facepalms from the Senior Rates' Mess's finest..!):shock: :oops:
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  12. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Conversation went a bit like this after I'd done my last sigs course exam.

    Sgt... Mne Blobbs I'd like you to sit the City and Guild exams for Sigs.

    Blobbs..... Nah, you're alright Sgt.

    Sgt.... You're not hearing me Mne Blobbs, I'd really like you to sit the C and G exams.

    Blobbs... Aww Sgt I really cant be fucked do I have to?

    Sgt... Mne Blobbs, we're gonna fall out soon, I want you to sit the fucking exams.

    Blobbs.... Nothing I'd rather do Sgt, when are they?

    Sgt... Twat... you just passed them, well done.

    I've now got 20 odd G&G certificates. Fuck I'm clever.

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