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Channel 5 needs you and your diy disasters

Are you in need of a complete home makeover?
IWC Media, the makers of Location, Location, Location, are looking to uncover Britain’s worst DIY disasters for a brand new TV makeover series for Channel 5.
Have you or someone you know caused a DIY disaster?
Are you living in a downright dangerous nightmare?
Have you bitten off far more than you can chew and have no idea how to finish?
With the help of our team of experts we can rescue your home and turn it from disaster into the dream home you’ve always wanted.
If you are desperate for help EMAIL [email protected] or CALL 0207 013 4069
Strange place to advertise ? All the matelots I have ever known have been good at diy - having said that, I could do with a new home (preferable y in a nice warm country - Spain ??) - too many bl***dy students moving in near us !! :evil:


War Hero
Hey Whitemouse - property getting cheaper by the day over here at the moment! Get in quick! Saw an old townhouse in need of modernisation for 35k euros the other day! But don't buy too close to us, standards you know!
Hey Whitemouse - property getting cheaper by the day over here at the moment! Get in quick! Saw an old townhouse in need of modernisation for 35k euros the other day! But don't buy too close to us, standards you know!
... Don't rub it in ....I would if I could ... :( ..... I make do with the annual holiday to the Costa in July.


War Hero
Book Reviewer
Me! Me! Me!

I keep burning houses down when i do DIY. That and oggling the women, eating the rabbits and leaving turds in knicker drawers. Oddly enough, business is booming. What am i like eh?


War Hero
I'm currently doing up a grade 1 listed, 8 bedroom, 16th century manor house, I'm about a third of the way through and to be honest, I can't really be arsed anymore. If you could send some people round to finish it for me, I'd be happy to provide them with a bit of tea.

I'll even get the wife to cry on TV for a bit of dramatic effect if you'll chuck in a hot tub.

We cool?

Edited to add:

There are also 7 stables, two summer houses, a large workshop, garage, a well and a few barns which will also need your attention. I'm sure they shouldn't be an issue for your team though.

Last edited:


War Hero
I remember when of the lads messes on HMS Kent got a makeover on Changing Rooms (or something similar), they were seen off big time, mess was worse when they'd finished it!

These Channel 5 D.I.Y. chappies any good with caravans then? The floor in mine next to
the door is ******* shagged out. I've got to get it all ticketty-boo for Summer, or for when
her-indoors gives me the ******* hoof and I have to live in the bastard. I can cry on camera
if that's what's needed AND I walk with alimp (these 2 tin knees y'see). I can get hold of a
small child in an Iron Lung and one six year old in callipers as well just for added effect.

If I do get picked - no close-ups please 'cos I'm one ugly mother ******.

Kindest Regards,

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