Caught Thrapping?

#21
Joe_Crow said:
BoxKickerSubs said:
A few moons ago young Boxkicker ....
You forgot to mention that the young Lt needed to get his white shirt from under his mattress so that he could dine in the bunhouse. He failed to get his shirt, and was too scared to go back, so, traumatised, he hid in the cabspace and missed scran.
Did not know about that bit Joe as i was in my rack laughing like a three badge rock ape.
 
#22
Sent a young part 3 fwd to do the shakes once, he whipped back the curtain on the TG Tiffs rack who was mid thrap, TG Tiff just said "cop hold of this will you". Part 3 ran out the bunkspace and flatly refused to do shakes again :D
 

silverfox

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#23
A tale relayed by a mate's father concerning a junior pilot joining the Bucc sqn that he was on. Went to the CO's cabin onboard first thing after breakfast to do the joing interview. On pulling back door curtain he is greeted by the sight of his senior relaxing in a gentleman's way at his desk. Retreats in much embarassment. After a suitable amount of time has passed he tries again, this time he is invited with an apology along the lines of

"Sorry about that, but I'm f**king useless without one of those first thing after breakfast......"
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#25
brigham600 said:
Blackrat, they are quality dits mate and the first one was particularly funny. :)
Sadly mate they are all true. Ah well, it makes up for the millions of times i cracked one off and never been caught (or seen for that matter!)
 

pugfrom83

Lantern Swinger
#27
RabC said:
pugfrom83 said:
Hq1 Watchkeeping. Silent Hours. Phone call comes in for Clubz from Mrs Clubz. Explained the silent hours no pipes but as my relief had just turned up I would go and shake clubz if required. Yes please says Mrs Clubz. Not megga urgent but can he phone before I go to work at 0600. Duely go to Clubz, mess in darkness. Pull back curtain to find clubz knocking one out. The guy never even missed a stroke. "Tell her I'm having a [email protected] and will phone her in 5 mins". Message passed to Mrs Clubz who just said "ok".
Ships cartoonist informed and a picture of clubz, gland in hand with the caption "This position - ready" appeared in the next edition of the shps mag. Went to Clubz house for a few wets some months later. Original cartoon signed by the artist on the memorabillia wall in the Garage.


Apples mate, total respect.
Said Apples from a 23 beginning with M? If so I do remember hearing many many stories about him being caught refreshing his meat in the killicks mess and he would not even bat an eyelid.

It was indeed the same man.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#28
Op Granby, 1991.

Mate of mine was on stag and i went to relieve him at around 0300hrs. On my way to the sangar, i noticed him moving around as if someone had dropped a fag down his back. Getting closer, i saw him go stock still, then jerk once then stop. To be honest, i thought he had been stung by a scorpion. As i went in the sangar, he seemed fine and gave me his report (fuck all going on, no enemy seen) and as he left he said "Oh by the way. Be careful with the LMG mate". This was a bit odd. "Why?" said i. "I've just coughed up a load of bollock yoghurt over it" said he.
 
#29
Blackrat said:
Op Granby, 1991.

Mate of mine was on stag and i went to relieve him at around 0300hrs. On my way to the sangar, i noticed him moving around as if someone had dropped a fag down his back. Getting closer, i saw him go stock still, then jerk once then stop. To be honest, i thought he had been stung by a scorpion. As i went in the sangar, he seemed fine and gave me his report (fuck all going on, no enemy seen) and as he left he said "Oh by the way. Be careful with the LMG mate". This was a bit odd. "Why?" said i. "I've just coughed up a load of bollock yoghurt over it" said he.
8O Carefull what you say round here its Matelot country :D especialy given the topic
 
#30
BoxKickerSubs said:
A few moons ago young Boxkicker was happily sleeping through an off watch, when the sound of raised voices was heard just outside the bunk curtains. Being a nosey fecker Box has a look see out of the bunk curtains to find, young LT X standing in the gulch with bunk light ablaze, and matress held aloft. Now LT X had been trying to retrive somthing or other stowed under his pit, but on lifting his pit with his light now shining brightly, he is greeted with the sight of LMEM Y mid thrap wank rag draped over his large mid section and the words ringing in his ears "F*** off Tosser".
LT X for some reason had a rack change too sweet, i recon it was to stop LMEM Y from wiping his white an sticky over his kit.
I remember that cant quite remember which LMEM it was though
Sovereign was the boat.
 
#31
I went to school with a kid who got caught coming out of one of the wank booths in the sex shop on the Paderborn ring road round back of Savoys.

Poor fucker never heard the end of it.
 

Beeline

Lantern Swinger
#32
Hahaha! Classics :D

I caught my ex once popping one out to Aladdin, never spoke of it again, I didn't want to know to be honest! 8O A lady never gets caught, however.
 
#33
Beeline said:
Hahaha! Classics :D

I caught my ex once popping one out to Aladdin, never spoke of it again, I didn't want to know to be honest! 8O A lady never gets caught, however.
What did Aladdin think about it
 
#38
Whilst I was at Raleigh doing my basic training we had a break for Summer leave. Me and my new oppo's all decided to get a few beers in before they all hopped on trains and I shot off to my home in Guzz. A few beers turned into lots of beers and pretty soon we were on the shots, rather enjoying our freedom. After about 3 hours of this I was completely sozzled and spotting this one of my so called "Mates" asked me if I wanted a mint. "Sure" I replied and I took it from him and started to chew it. Two chews in I detected the bitter taste of a pill. Instantly I started panicking thinking this b*st*rd had given some nasty drugs. Everyone starts creasing up and he informs me it was a Viagra. Deciding I have had enough I get in a taxi and make my way home. Upon getting home I climb the stairs and collapse on to my bed. Lying there as the room spins around I start to get a twinge downstairs which pretty soon turns into a raging erection. Ever the one to take advantage of such situations I stick some frankie on and start to smash one out. This goes on for an indeterminable amount of time and the next thing I remember is waking up cock in hand, porn blaring out from my TV and my mother scuttling out of my bedroom muttering under her breath. Without a doubt one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Breakfast the next day was somewhat awkward...
 
#39
Cracked one off in most compartments on Illustrious 04-07. All magazines, FMR/AMR, Fight Deck, Bridge, to name a few. Also every time I closed up on the GPMG's in the berthing bays. Nearly got caught once by the PO WREN Gunner, I had all clips on the hatch on, she got to last clip and I managed to fire one off. I was just stood there with my back to her with cock out and she asked me if everything was ok then back inside. Got away with that one.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#40
I went to school with a kid who got caught coming out of one of the wank booths in the sex shop on the Paderborn ring road round back of Savoys.

Poor fucker never heard the end of it.
When we used to do a dhoby run to Dortmund, the laundrette's were placed opposite a load of thrap booths. The sprog would be left watching washing go round and round, while us senior soldiers would lock ourselves in the booths like failed monks given money to spend.

One day, i felt sorry for the crow left behind. I went over and told him to go and knock himself out over the road and that i would stag on. I was sitting there quietly reading a book when one of my oppos came in, took his jeans off and shoved them in a vacant machine. This was a bit Levi's 501 advert-esque so i asked "What the fuck are you up to?".

My trouserless friend stated "I was knocking one out like no-ones business and having exploded like a HE grenade, mopped up. It were all over place. On checking me jeans, i noticed that i managed to spaff all over them. It were fooking everywhere and fooking obvious"

"So you came straight over to wash them. Good drills" Said i.

"Not quite. I had a couple of beers and a game of pool in that pub over there first" Said my dashing comrade. "I were getting all sorts of fooking looks".

No surprise really. His jeans were black.
 
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